This boy cries

never perfect

This boy cries chapter 16

"I know were getting on but can you not balst your music" i said nocking  onob her door. "Sorry i was testing my speakers" she awnsrrd. "Do it in the loft next time" i joked. "Haha" she awnsrrd sarcastically sticking out her toung as i tickled her.

"No"  jessica said screaming in fits of lafter as we ran around. Even when i was like this, I still hated my life. I still felt low. Id still have flashbacks. All day. But it was fun. For once christams had given me perpous and meaning insted of nightmairs and scars.

By the time it was lunch i was back in my room keeping my self to my self. I knew that jessica was been extra kind becasue of what she now knew. She'd alwase been nice but sometimes she was over postive. You know the kind of person whos like I've got over things so just smile you know.

But at least now i knew she relised that we were diffrent. We went just both care kids.

Im not gonna say either of us had it worse. Its just about how it effects you. Ive know people more seves then me in the same situation then her. Its nothing about the situation.

I then went down stairs to have a bit of tea. We haf got chios so i had a handfull of chips and a strawberry milkshake before i went back up.

I then snuggled down doind some holiday Homework i had. We had a stupid onlime system wich meant i had to do work even of i was off. I knew work was important and i valued my education but there was more importatm things but thats only my measly oppion. Im a care kid, no one listens to rich kids, let alone care kids.

Once i was finnished i put on top gear. I wasmt a massive car fan but i used to watch it for comedly value. I only watched about 10 muints till it made me feel low.anything to happy made me feel worse now adays but i wanted to challenge that so 10 munits was better then nothing.

I hadn't alwase been like this. Id never had the perface upbringing but id coped. Id do anything to go back to that time.things were much bettr now then they had been in a long time, yet i still didn't feel as strong as i used to, things wernt great growing up, they just got worse over time. A lot worse.  At first it was a slow change, but chloe sped that chamge up. By far.

I still only slept 20 munits wich was usal, and even then i had a nightmair. My life shoukd be so much better then this and it upset me. It annoyed me and i hated myself for it. The only person holding my back was me with my stupid brain that couldn't switch off.

It was like 3 year old. You know when they cant stop asking stupid questions. We had a 5 year old in our old care home who still handt grown out of it. But she wasnt inoccent and harmless. Unlike my brain. My brain was evil as far as i was concerned.