This boy cries chapter 17
It was new years and we were going to fireworks. I hated them if im honest. The bamgs encouraged flashbacks in my stupid head. Luckely I had my ear defenderd with me wich ment In theory I could just see the lights and pritty couluers without the noive. I grabbed my shower stuff, takeing as shower and then shoved on a grey greenday t shirs with my black jeans and thrn put my thick vans jumper on.
I made my way downstairs having a peice of dry toast, and shovein on my coat.we were travling to London for the fierwork desplay. I was nevers if i was honest, it would be so crowded. But i wanted to do this. Since christmas i had been determind on recovery. How long that would last for was another matter.
The car jeorny was long amd my mind wonderd to school. I hadnt been there loads since hunter. I knew it would nock my recovery, but i was determind. I had to get better.i knew i would still have bad days. I had to except that. That would be the hardest part of recovering for me, not letting fall backs make me not care. To many times that happend.
I then put my earphones in. I liked a range of music. I likrd my rock but also a bit of rap snd the odd pop song. I pressed shuffle and friction came on. I started to fall asleep wich wasmt unusal since i never slept st night.
Once we got onto london it took is along time just to park. We then went into a little cafe where i managed to eat half a bowl of rich tomato soupe. It wss yummy but all i coukd think was purging. Yet i couldnt. It was stupid. My first big hurde and already i was struggling. But i didn't crack.
Thr fireworks were VERY overwhelming. Some how i managed with only a small panic attack. Yet it still made me feel id failed. It was stupid. Just like my head u guess.
I slept on the way back home, despite jessica being very hyper, like a yoyo going up and down, she went on and on. Who ever let her have 3 kit kats, a tofee apple, half a choc orrage, a bag of starbursts and a glased donuts with sprinkeld was by my standerds insaine. O and tha not forgetting the big bottle of lucozade.
Once we got in i was exsorsted. I still didn't alseep as I'd selpt over 2 houers in the day. I stayed up all night. Yet again. Nothing new there.so my mind dangorsoy stsrrd wondring.
***flashback***
"Why did you blame it on me!" i snapped piling chloe aside. "It was only 4 times. No one will care. And its yiur bab- "And its YOUR responsibility!" i spat getting mad. "Aww is the man whore getting mad" she mocked giggling sholder barging me.
***end of flashback***
I hated rembring that. It reminded me how i had walked on my responsibility, even if they didnt exsit any more. Everyone tryed tp convince me it wasnt my fault. That i hsd no choice. Yet i still hated my self for it.
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This boy cries
General FictionSaying ben jacobs had a hard life would be a understatment. But when he is finaly away from his dark past he finds it almost impossible to reach out for help.Scaird of getting mocked and not being belived again because of on thing. Because he's a boy
