Homestuck One-Shots |EN| ✓

Hopeless... [Jake]

I was walking to Jake's house. Jake was my good friend, we spent together every day after school. But today he didn't come, he said me on perster chum that he was sick. So I'm here to take care of my crus- I mean friend. I opened his front door. He said my way in was anytime, he didn't care. He even gave me a key, what was weird at first.

"Jake?" I peeked inside. It was quiet and... It looked lifeless. I put down my things and walked upstairs into his room.

"Jakey?" I saw him sitting at the edge of his bed. He turned around.

"Hey pal..." He said simply as I walked inside and closed the door behind myself.

"What's wrong buddy..?" I came to him and sat down on his bed. He was silent, so I shifted closer to him. Suddenly I felt his arms snake around me. I hugged him back caressing his back.

"I'm scared..."

"Of what? How? You're the bravest guy I know, nobody can hurt you.." I smiled.

"Of... People saying that I'm useless..." I pulled away frowning.

"Who said that?"

"Roxy..." I saw a tear roll down his cheek. Oh no,... Roxy was Jake's good friend, almost the best one. She had a crush on Jake's ex-boyfriend Dirk. And Jake broke up with him, so maybe that's why she said that.

"Ever since I'm done with Dirk, the girls barely talk to me. I feel like a stranger for them, and yesterday I heard Roxy and..." he sighed trying to hold in the tears. He was really sinsitive around friendships.

"C'mer boo..." I outstretched my arms to him, "you need a hug, an ice cream and cuddles from me." he giggled a bit and hugged me.

"Thank you for eveything (Y/N),"

"Everything for the person I lo-... Like so much..." ah dammit. This wasn't the first time of me almost slipping out that word. He giggled and hugged me closer. I would be able to stay like this all the time of my life. In his embrace I felt safe and... Loved... But I always knew it was just a feeling because Jake would never love me, he even said it once. It broke me... But I've got used to it. I felt tighten the hug.

"You mean a lot to me..." he mumbled into my neck and I felt it get wet a little bit.

"... So do you..." I caressed his back.

"You're not like the others... Y-you stay with me ev-even though everybody else leaves... Why... Why are y-you still h-here?" he was sobbing between his talking. I sighed, my tears being at the edge.

"We talked about this b-before..." I pulled away. Some tears slipped down my cheeks and that made growl. I wiped them off.

"We... Did?"

"Jake I'm staying because I love you, okay?!" I stood up and pulled on my hair, "I-I have to stay... Because I care... Because I'm scared of you what would you... I don't want to lose you Jake..." now I was fully crying. He stood up and came to me trying to hug me, but I pushed him away.

"Don't hug me... Please... Don't give me false hopes..." I ran a hand through my hair. I let out a shaky huff.

"Are you gonna be okay..? I... Kinda want to be somewhere... Else."

"Well, I won't be okay if you'll go away. How would I know what is going on with you?"

"Why do you care? You shouldn't be..."

"Oh, so you can care about me, and I cannot about you..."he crossed his arms with a frown on his face.

"Jake..." I whined and closed my eyes.

"(Y/N)... You just said I can't love you." I sobbed.

"You don't love me like I do you."

"How do you know?" he clenched hia teeth and fists. He looked scary, like he would hit me anytime.

"Because you told me you would never love me cause I'm ugly." I growled looking angrily at him. One part of me wanted to walk out and go home, but the other one told me to stay and argue with him. I wanted him to know how much he actually did to me and even though he did, I stayed with him. Love does strange things huh?

"...when?" he softened.

"Four years ago, we were 14, hanging out together, playing games, eating pizza. Then somehow we got to a topic 'What if,' and I had the courage to ask you 'What if I lovdd you, would you love me back?' and guess what you said?" I wanted him to tell, he looked like he remembered.

"'No, you're not that pretty'..."

"See? You remember. I don't want to feel the pain I did back there."

"(Y/N), we were just kids... We've changed..."

"I did not, I look just a little bit older, but still too much ugly for you." I sat down.

"Then I've changed, that doesn't matter. I'm taking things more different than I did before."

"You know I wouldn't believe you if you would tell me that you love me, right?" he stood silent. I put my head in my hands inhaling deeply and let the tears flow and the sobs go. I felt the matress spring a bit around me. Two strong arms snaked around my waist and pulled me back. Jake sat me between his legs.

"It has been more than a year that I wanted to call you mine... I was scared to tell everybody why I broke up with Dirk. But it was because of you. Your presence changed me. Everytime I looked at you, you made me happier, just by that you were with me. I enjoyed every moment I could see you smile, hear you laugh or look into your beautiful eyes. Ever since I felt this weird feeling, I wanted to hug you and fall asleep with you, so when I would wake up, you would be the first thing I would see. But then soon I realized it's just a dream which will never happen. I was scared of losing you like I did with the girls, so I hid my emotions and acted like before. But... I couldn't lie to Dirk anymore... I... Want him back though... But now just as a friend. This feeling I'm feeling towards you (Y/N), I didn't felt this when I was with Dirk." I was silent all the time he was talking.

"I can't do this anymore... I just, feel bad you know... Like a piece of trash. Like nothing. I feel like shit Jake-"

"I'll fix that... I swear but... Don't leave me pl-please. You did not leave until now... You can't do it right now... I need you..." he turned me with my side to him.

"I'm not gonna leave you... I have this feeling, I don't know what it is but it makes me sad yet happy when I'm with you. I feel pain and love at the same time, what hurts. The pain is telling me to leave you because you hurt me, the love says to not leave you because I would be hurt even more. I was used to that you will never love me, so I was pushing these feelings back. And now you just jump at me with that you love me and my emotions go all over the place. I love you, but I can't do it because I'm hur-" just as I was about to finish my sentence he stopped me. His lips brushed against mine slightly, then he kissed me softly.

"I love you (Y/N) and I'm gonna do everything to make you believe that."

"I love you," I said calming down a bit and breathing out.

"I love you (Y/N)," he kissed my forehead and pulled me into a tight embrace.