My Dearest Siege,
Before I confess all of my feelings for you- all of these feelings that shattered my heart, let us first reminisce the day when we first met. Remember that time when you spilled your frappe on me on school? I felt embarrassed, annoyed and happy in the best way when that happened. You mouthed those four words that made my cheeks red- "I am so sorry." I exchanged an "It is my pleasure"- my lips abruptly moved and those words suddenly came out. Oh my God. I don't even know why on earth I uttered those words. It was just so abashing.
It made my face redder when you chuckled at me. "I-I-I mean, it's okay," I said as I quickly ran to the washroom and locked myself at a cubicle as if I got humiliated in front of a huge crowd.
It was really a memorable day. If you didn't buy that frappe, I would be happy- happy enough to be clean. But that didn't mean I would like to change it. No, I wouldn't change any of it because I'm thankful that we met. That our eyes met even if you made me felt ashamed. Thanks to that frappe.
The next day, it was the English Fest. I played the role of Juliet. Being too artsy and theatrical, I was chosen to portray the major role. They said I'm really good enough to act as Juliet and I embodied it so well. I wore a wig since I have a short hair, a dress, a pair of heels and all that girly stuff which were really nice.
On the actual presentation, my Romeo couldn't make it due to some circumstances. You volunteered to be Romeo; you truly are my knight in shining armor. You saved me from this nightmare. You made my biggest dream come true and turned it to reality.
I can still remember your manly posture, hazel brown eyes, amazing jawline and your adorable lips during the play. Oh, how I love to kiss those lips on the last scene but I resisted considering a lot of people were watching us and also considering what you would feel if I did that.
Since then, I had been hoping for you to fall in love with me though I know that it couldn't be. I think about you all the time, do you know that? You're my 11:11 wish. And you should be grateful about that, you know.
Everyday at school, I stalked on you. I followed you to your locker; I sat a couple of chairs away from you on recess and tried to contact you on your phone and even on your Facebook and Twitter. I was left empty-handed. I didn't get any replies from you. And then I thought, maybe, I should just stop being clingy.
Until one day, you noticed me. "Good morning!" you said as you greeted me with a smile on your lips. I traded it with a smile- an ugly smile. I don't know why you did that. I mean, I'm just an ordinary meteor while you; you're a star- a bright star that's so hard to reach.
In that moment, I felt something. It came to my mind that maybe you like me, even just a bit. I know, that 'bit' sucks.
You're always smiling when you see me walking through the hallway or on my way home. Mayhap there's some dirt on my face or what. Oh God, just stop doing that stare thing Siege, it's melting me. You know what? You're a person worth melting for- with those round eyes, pointy nose and sweet smile.
It was the Juniors-Seniors Promenade. I thought I would be very happy on that day knowing that it's my first and last prom since I had a chicken pox the last time it was held but something happened. I seized it. Elegance and beauty were on my hands. I danced great even though I'm bad at it.
I waited for you to reach my hand for a dance. Remember? It annihilated my heart when I saw you reached your hands to a girl and asked her to dance with you.
How I wish to be that girl. But no, I can never be her. I know I am not pretty because pretty is temporary. And I'm so much more than that.
I'm always on the court, supporting you on your basketball games. More 'pogi points' were added once you play the game. Your wet hair, well-sculpted arms and sexy body are a must-see. Oh my God, I'm not a maniac; you're just so adorable.
I can still remember when you accepted my simple drink after the ball game- an ice tubig. Sorry, I can't afford much more than that. But you know what, I felt the seventh heaven.
The other girls were reaching energy drinks to you but you refused to take some of theirs. You pointed at my drink as you said, "I like that. I like you." I blushed as red as a tomato. I didn't even notice that I became red. I didn't know what to do or to say or what, but fuck, I was in cloud nine!
I gave you my drink, as I felt shy, ashamed and awkward at the same time. "Thank you, Niks," you said. I didn't know you knew my name and it brought me shock and happiness. "Could you join me later, let's eat at the park?" Oh my God! Was that for real? "Sure." I said with a full smile.
We ate at the park. I enjoyed your company even if we just ate street foods. I haven't tried those 'til you hast made known them to me. They looked really delicious and they were. I didn't know you we're good at 'knock knock' jokes, you're jokes sold like hotcakes to me. I saw how you eat and laugh. I won't forget that moment.
It was the last day of school when I saw you holding hands with a girl. I saw your eyes different on that day. Those eyes, which used to melt my heart is now changed. And I bet it is because of that girl. It was heartbreaking for me seeing you from afar, happy with a pretty girl, while I'm here, behind the post crying. Well, I'm a green-eyed monster- ugly monster actually. Don't you know that feeling? It sucks right.
I would like to confess to you on that day about my feelings and all but your eyes changed my choice. Now, I wrote this letter to confess something. Actually this is the highlight of my message but the throwbacks made it long. So...
I love you Siege though it can't be. 'Cause you're a pretty boy and I will never be a pretty girl. You're a star- bright star actually while I'm a meteor that's full of scars.
Siege, thank you for everything. Thanks for the spilled frappe that made us meet each other. Thanks for being my Romeo, for being always there for me. Thanks for the dance, though you didn't ask for a dance at least you made me realize that you didn't like me even a bit. Thank you for the 'kwek-kweks' and 'fish balls' and of course your companion. Thank you for your adorable smiles. Thanks for the sweet gazes. Thanks for the laughs. Thanks for the memories. And most of all, thanks for the broken-heart.
It's just so sad 'cause we're judged by the way we act. They say, when you're one of us, you're a threat to the society. But who cares, it's the attitude that must possess not just the outer appearance. It should be A over B, or Attitude first before Beauty.
Now, we're on college and we're pursuing our dreams. I know we're not meant for each other. Because you know, we can't be though I'm the only one forcing 'us' to happen. And I know it won't happen. But I still love you even if it sucks. It amazingly sucks.
Love,
Niks. Also known as Juan Nicanor Torres, in case you forget me.
PS. I know this message is just a crap. You can now burn it.
