One Thousand Tears

Maybe

She said-
All you had to do was open your eyes and look deeper than my presence. Maybe then you would have seen that I was drowning... But you didn't.
I've been waiting far longer than expected for us to be whole again.
It seems we're only falling farther a part and now it's getting cold again.

Maybe The problem wasn't that you were weak.
Maybe the problem was simply that I was too strong for the both of us because I had to be.
Now I'm too tired and you still refuse to see.

She said-
I don't know how to love someone who only cares about me for their own personal gain.
I still have memories of who we were before we caught this plague.
But the more I try to dig them up, the faster you make them fade away.
Maybe I tried to love you too hard so your instinct was to push me away...

She's lonely when she's with you.
She cries when she's not.
Maybe she just needs your words to prove what she forgot.
She hides her pain in plain sight knowing you won't see it.
She's exhausted from pretending that she doesn't really need this.
She keeps herself busy every hour of the day.
Terrified of boredom because it tears apart her brain.
How can you not see it yet?
She's exhausted from the pain.

She said-
Who's gonna hold it all together when I'm gone?
Nothing matters anymore
When actions have always proven your words wrong.

Maybe you should start to pay attention to how often she cries when she's alone.
You can't see how much she needs you if you're never home.
Maybe she's afraid because she's no longer scared of leaving.
Maybe her biggest fear in fact, is being okay with having other dreams.
Maybe she's afraid because she sees herself changing.
Maybe she knows that you can't see things the same, so you're no longer engaging.
Maybe she's terrified of walking away.
But only because she fears you won't try to make her stay.

She said-
Of all the things we've gotten through that should have killed us instantly,
I never would have guessed that this would be the thing that ended me. I don't know how we got here. All I know is that I tried to leave. Every time I tried to wake us from this nightmare, you'd start to fall right back to sleep.
Maybe I'm not the one who can save this because we were never really meant to be.

You can't expect her to waste the rest of her life waiting for you to decide if you still want to love her.
Maybe that's why she's always so sad, because the thought alone terrifies her.
Maybe she's finally ready now to admit that your priorities have changed.
Maybe she's done being lonely and pretending that you could ever be the same.

She said she had a feeling that things were never gonna get better now.
He never even looked up from his phone when he asked her why she still had doubts.
He never saw the tear in her eye or the pain that showed across her face.
She wore that look of sadness nearly every single day.
He never noticed how often she glanced at him just to see if he would look back, too.
Maybe she finally gets it now.
Maybe he's never gonna be able to.
She finally allowed the thought to process so that maybe he would see.
Maybe it was true.
They lost their love along with who they used to be.
Maybe they were meant to be.
But now they don't mean anything.
Maybe he forced her to fall out of love slowly.
Maybe he cared too little to see.
Maybe she's losing herself again.

...Maybe it scares the hell out of me.