Soft Whispers (Princeton love story)

Chapter Nineteen

::Jacob's P.O.V::

"My gbf! You're okay!" Jordan exclaimed before hugging me, I placed my hand on her back. She took a deep breath before pulling away, a big smile was on her face. "What happened to you?" She asked as Bria and Jazmyne walked in. "I supposedly had a panic attack" I said lightly as I rubbed the back of my neck, I turned around and led them all up to my room. Jazmyne smiled a little, "well, we're glad you're okay". 

"Thanks" I replied, "do you usually have panic attacks?" Jordan asked curiously. I looked at her and saw she had took a seat on the floor, "no, I mean... I had one before, but that was back in the seventh grade" I answered truthfully. I sat down on my bed and Bria sat next to me, Jazmyne found a spot beside Jordan. 

"You know, we don't know much about you gbf" Jordan said, I bit my lip and nodded a little "this is true". "You wanna tell us somethin?" Jazmyne asked, I shrugged "I don't talk about myself that much, but okay". I took off my jacket and said "where shall I start?" I asked.

"How about telling us what happened" Jazmyne said as she studied my arms, I looked at the cuts that finally seemed to heal and turn into fresh new scars. "Oh, I... Um, relapsed a while ago" I said lightly, I rubbed my hand against my arm.

"Oh, my gbf cuts" Jordan said to herself more than anyone else, I sent her a smile and said "yeah, I do, but it's okay, I'm okay". "You promise?" Bria suddenly asked as she used her finger to lightly trace my scars, "you promise you're okay?" I nodded a little and kissed her forehead, "I promise".

"May I ask, where is your dad?" Jazmyne asked, "he's not around anymore" I said quietly. "Oh my gosh, did he die?" Jordan asked in shock, I chuckled and said "no, he didn't die, he's alive. He just walked out on my mom and I a while ago". I tried to fake a smile but just as quick as it came, it vanished.

"He.... He started his life over and just left my mom and I behind" I said quietly, Bria placed her hand over mine. I looked at her, "you don't have to talk about it" she reassured. "Yeah, you really don't, I'm sorry I asked. I didn't know I would bring up something bad" Jazmyne quickly apologized.

"Gosh, Jazmyne, you always gotta ask the most depressing ass questions! Can't you just ask questions like 'what the hell is your favorite food?' or 'do you fucking enjoy reading?'" Jordan explained. Bria and I laughed, while Jazmyne frowned.

"I'm sorry, I said I ain't know, damn Jordan" Jazmyne said to her, "anways, gbf do you fucking like to read?" Jordan asked. I nodded and said "yes, yes I do, I love to fucking read". Jordan laughed a little "that's great! What do you like to read?" "Mostly auto-biographies, stuff like that".

"Cool, hey, what was your other school like?" Bria asked, "horrible" I answered. "I had absolutely no friends, none at all" I began, "I didn't like it there, the voices would make me do things that I didn't want to do". 

You fucked up, never should've mentioned us

"Voices? What voices?" Bria asked, Jordan and Jazmyne both gave off a confused look. "I mean people, the kids there would make me do things that I didn't want to do" I quickly stated. "Oh" Jordan said, I nodded a little "yeah". "You had no friends, at all?" Jazmyne asked, "yeah, none".

"Awww, well.... We're your friends!" Bria suddenly exclaimed, she climbed on top of me and hugged me. I laughed, "group hug" Jordan said as she and Jazmyne stood up. They walked over and hugged me too, I continued to laugh and in between my laughter I managed to say the words: "I love you guys". 

>>*<<

"Last night was the happiest I've ever been in a long while" I confessed, my mom smiled and said "I'm glad". "I was able to really tell them about myself" I confessed, "I could never do that before". I shook my head a little, "no one cared to listen, but they were different. They were all ears, they cared" I said with a light smile.

"I'm so happy you're happy miel" my mom stated, my smile faltered. Was I happy? I mean, truly happy? Or was it just an 'in the moment' thing? Was it a phase, and was I going to turn bad again in the morning? So many questions.

I looked away and sighed, "you haven't been to Ms. Smith, except for that one time. That's great, have you talked to Ms. Parks any?" Mom asked. I shook my head "no, I haven't". I messed with a loose string on my shirt. "I.... Can we go somewhere? You know, just to get out of the house?" I asked. "Sure, where do you wanna go?" "I don't know, I mean we can just take a walk around the block".

 >>*<<

I walked into my room, my mom and I just got back from our relaxing walk. She was now downstairs preparing dinner. I sat down on my bed as my phone began to vibrate. I pulled out my phone, thinking it was Bria who was calling, but instead it was an unknown number. Hm, I shrugged a little and answered.

"Um, hello?" I greeted, "you big fat meany!" Someone exclaimed, "excuse me?" I asked. "You made my dad leave! He left a note and said he'll be gone for a while and he's not coming back anytime soon!" He yelled.

"Nathaniel?" I was very confused, "yeah, it's me Nathaniel! But that doesn't matter, you made my dad run away!" He screamed angrily. "He's my dad too, you know" I said lightly, I held the phone away from my ear because I knew he was about to scream again.

"I don't care! You aren't my brother, nor my half-brother! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" He suddenly sniffed, which indicated he was crying. "I want my daddy back" he cried, "you suck Jacob, you absolutely suck! A-and I hope t-that when you want to drink your juice box, that the straw won't go through the hole!"

"Well atleast he left you note and told you he was leaving for a while. He didn't leave me nothing! He just left and never came back" I countered. There was silence.

"Really?" "Yes, really" he seemed to soften, "well maybe you did something wrong" nevermind, he's still angry. "Like, something really really wrong" he stated, I gave a slight nod and said "yeah, I guess so, like the mistake of ever being born". I hung up the phone. 

I groaned loudly and fell back on my bed. I took a deep breath and thought about how distraught Nathaniel sounded. I remember feeling like that. 

::Flashback::

"Dad!" I yelled as I walked into the house. There was silence, no response. Nothing. I walked into the living room, "Dad" I repeated. I turned around and looked at my mother as she walked into the house. "He's not coming back, is he?" I asked sadly, my tears appeared and slipped from my eyes when my mother shook her head.

"I don't think he is, baby" she said lightly, I suddenly felt this surge of anger pass through me. "What? How could he just leave like that, and... And not tell us where he was going... I-if he was coming back or not" I dropped my backpack onto the floor. My tears feel carelessly as I sat on the floor and continued to cry. "Why'd he just leave?"

::End Flashback::

I couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for Nathaniel. I sat up and quickly dialed my dad's number. I rolled my eyes when I got his voicemail.

"Hey, okay um, look. Nathanial just called me and told me how you left for a while. He needs you, so don't do him how you did me. You're a grown ass man and you need to learn how to cope with your feelings instead of always leaving someone behind. So, yeah, please go back home to your son and daughter. They need you, and it'd be a shame if they had to grow up without a father, like I did" I hung up.

"I heard your message" my mom suddenly said, appearing in front of my open door. "That was very nice of you, to do that for those two kids" she said lightly. I looked at her for a couple seconds before finally saying something: "yeah, I just.... I just don't want them to grow up and turn into me. An emotionally unstable teenager without someone to call 'dad'".
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Sorry for any mistakes.
Love,
Me