What It Whispers.

pushed.

This is going to be long, and it is not poetry. After reading this and if you find it beneficial, I request you to let others benefit too. Thank you so much for your patience.

Edited. Recommended to read this version, as a few parts have been rewritten.

''You mean you are jealous?

How can you ever be jealous, I mean look at you...you just don't have any rights to feel that way!''

''But I'm not, I wish I could be different than who I am...it is not easy to live with such vulnerability, my mind, you are supposed to be helping me!''

To every soul that's abandoned,

To everyone whose heart just hurts way too much,

To everyone whose heart and mind refuse to travel the way you choose,

There is something that needs to be said.

I'm writing this in a mess of emotions, tangled and messed. But with a copious amount of realization. I do not like drama, yet this seems to be quite dramatic. Nothing physical hit me today, but too many things hit me unknowingly, and heart has become heavy. Too many things that should have been said, yet unspoken. Too many times when tears should've flown, yet they didn't. Too many times should've felt, but yet ignored. Why?

Every time I talk or think about depression, I remember the poem I wrote here, 'Broke.' if you have read it, well thank you. It was something so messy yet touching that I had to write. However, I'm afraid if I haven't put across the right message.

There is something you need to know, and please know it at this moment.

In life, people will tell you that you don't deserve to be sad, as you have got everything. Don't fall for it and hate yourself. What you need to know is that in life, you deserve to feel down, because bullets need not pierce the heart to distress you always, rather words are enough, or in the worst cases, silence from the one you love is enough to tear it apart.

We are funny, honestly. We think that we are so mighty that we give our heart a capability like no other. Making it forget its nature, the Fitrah (innate nature), and begging it to fight for things it shouldn't. Ever wondered why your heart can be so confusing at times? It is because you ask it do things it shouldn't and couldn't do... like the time you begged your heart to forget the one you loved...or the time when you left the cookies on the aisle because you had no money to buy it, or you didn't want to burden your parents with your stupid desires....like those times. So if you ask your heart to not weep, do you think it would listen to your commands?

Lately I have been learning, only to fall down when I have finished my lesson. No, not falling in the sense of a failure, falling as someone who just can't comprehend how to rise up. What is it really that I must do in this world? Why have I been created and now I wander seemingly lost in the purpose yet finding my purpose over and over to be the same again. We were created to worship God, that is a given. As a believer, that is. Then we were given this flesh called 'heart' where beauty and grim co-exists together ruling the world called 'you'. While some may let it rule, others would ask it to calm down and harden such that it doesn't feel anything, and are those people supposed to be called heartless? Do you really think that they have hardened hearts as clichéd statements put forth? No. They have hearts which gave into the whisperings of desires, remember how we talked about beauty and malice, they chose the latter.

Every one of our hearts has got all the emotions coded up, sadness, happiness, envy, love, jealousy, enmity, goodness, evilness and a plethora of others. We don't choose to have *only* one of them, because we can't. It is there in the Fitrah. The task given to us is not to chase happiness, not to chase love or acceptance, not to rise in power by following the evil whispers, it is to strike a balance between all of them, and to never forget the nature of the heart. The organ that never stops whispering. We all are desirous beings, but we all choose by guidance the desires on which we must act upon. I choose to love today, but will my heart oblige to do so when I won't remove the hatred on whom I must direct affection now? I choose to hate someone, but will my heart oblige when I am lovesick? Heart is not what you choose, heart is what it feels, and the only way you can let it grow as a beautiful thing within is by letting it feel every other right and beautiful thing.