What It Whispers.

hmm.

Fantasies are indeed so pleasing.
I often think about them, and they're perfect. I mean, not like the 'perfect' perfect you know? Like I don't just imagine drinking coffee when rain pours down, I also imagine getting soaked in the rain, and then struggling my way up with my soaked clothes and somehow getting done what I always wanted to do.
But, there's the catch. Even with all the imperfections, my fantasies are perfect. Why?
Because I romanticize Hardship and Pain. The worst possible thing I can do, but I do it. This is quite shaming to admit, but in my head when I think about it, I know life isn't all roses and daisies. I know there is this mount Uhud standing right in the middle of my dreams and my actions, I know it's stubborn and wouldn't dare to move, but I make myself this warrior. Yo moma Nas, she is a savior, she can do anything she desires to, and guess what, while she gets her thing done, she is going to inspire so many people!
She will keep smiling no matter what, and then finally she would cross that huge freaking mountain, reach the other side and smile at the world.

And this somehow makes me happy. Because I think my life is more of a fiction.
To be quite honest, reality is so much like this. I mean getting what you want was never easy. And I got some of what I wanted, Alhamdulilah. For example, the ability to discover myself, learn me and know the world. I got it. In my head I knew I'll face hardships, and I did.
But unlike my fantasies, this wasn't pretty. This didn't have a pattern. This wasn't part 1: pain. Part 2: ease. Part 3: happily ever after.

This sucked. Some days, it really did.
And other days, gosh the feeling of contentment and happiness, is quite  unexplainable. Those days are just too beautiful, the feeling that you finally did something amazing, and that you're making it somewhere.
But the next day, it goes down hill, oh woah, so seems like it isn't going to drizzle for a while, but it's okay, until then let me just bask in this atrocious sun shine, that I'm pretty sure can be called sun fire, here in MY.

I think falling in love is like that too. Now I have an idea of marriage, in which we would argue, but there would be these days Beautiful days, and I pray I have more of those (Aameen), but yeah, Beautiful days and other days when you just don't want to see each other.
But in my head, the fantasy would be like resolving whatever it is, with a bone crushing hug. But no, I know that is not it. Real life slaps you, bruises you, you hug, then you break, then you rise, you always keep loving what you love, but that doesn't mean annoyance is not a thing.
Reality is messed up. You overthink, at least that is what I do. Always. In your head arguments spiral up due to huge issues, but in reality it's the little things that brings you joy, and it's the little things that causes the lack of it.
Overthinking beings aren't the only problem, for words spoken in fury can wound hearts like no other too.

Life is everything but a fantasy. It is the realest thing you'd get. You imagine trophies and legacies, at the end of the day, it is just one day at a time. Today I woke up and I smiled and I worked towards something. Tomorrow I'd do the same. The next I might be sneezing and lay sprawled on my bed. All these days make up life. Life isn't episodes. It's the days, the days that you live, love and make it count.
It isn't always pretty. Pain isn't always romantic. Perfection is not in this world, and God I need to learn this and drill this into my head.
But life whatever it is, it is a gift. A beautiful one at that. Why? Because... Remember, like how with Hardship comes ease, and with Yaqub's tears came the arrival of Yusuf? The same way.
With all these struggles and beauty, will come Jannah. And for that I pray earnestly in this Ramadan. But I most certainly and earnestly pray for His Pleasure, for in Him I found Perfection. One that I will never ever find here.

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Let me know your thoughts, how bad are you with the ailment of perfection?
And....what do you just think about this whole messed up situation?