What It Whispers.

lot?

How much pain is a lot of pain?
This question has forever bothered me.
Because this is highly subjective.
Why do some of my people whom I absolutely adore take all the hardships of the world, yet have this stunning smile, break down a little in private, yet have this hope and manage to colour the world? Funniest thing is nobody could even guess or know that they who seem to have it all, have nothing. These people steal my heart. Their firm belief in Allah, and conviction to keep moving even when they are disabled physically (Allahu Akbar) is absolutely beautiful. I find beauty in smallest of things. But I'm convinced I have found the most beauty in this marvel of a creation! May Allah reward them immensely.

Why do others who are comfortable for the most cry when a needle pricks? I mean, it's not just the crying element, this is way more than that. Forcing themselves to get hurt, and finding reliance and all even going as far as speaking about dying. And before you say it, no, mental illness shall not be thrown around here easily. So that shall be quietened for a while.

And amidst this all, where am I?
I mean, women don't really need to have an excuse for crying. We cry, for absolutely no reason at times. And at that particular time, we pick the slightly negative stuff that goes on and cry over it. It's cool after that.
That's who I am. But pain? Yeah, there were and there are times when there's this pain that clenches the heart, but I don't think it's anything worldly.
That's... something between me and my Lord. It's a very beautiful pain. And no I'm not romanticizing pain here, that kind of feeling where you only want to cry to your Lord, and only want to find warmth in Him is extremely beautiful.
While not letting the world know anything about it. While not expecting the world to know about it at all, because this affair is a secret one. This love for Him is salvation, and prayers, and commitment that a world so fragile cannot understand. This feeling is out of the world.

Over this Ramadan and a few months before, I met people of many kinds I believe. Ah, even a girl from Comoros Islands (had to Google em). I met so many people who cried for no reason and worried 24/7, but I met so many others whose beauty stole my heart. That smile that couldn't ever be wiped off. The one who shook hands the strongest and with the most love, her hands were disabled. The one who helped and always laughed, she had those tears that wouldn't stop, but only a countable few and He knew.
The one who hugged the most were also the one who smiled the most and wore their hearts on their sleeves.
The one who annoyed me the most were also the ones who stuck to me (hahaha, I know).

People are complicated. Sometimes I think I'm better without them, but I know my life has been made better because of so many of them. Allah Created us all for a purpose, and I find those who bring the most joy to this world, while teaching us to be joyful are some of the most beautiful human beings. Their lives aren't perfect, but they make their days count, I pray I learn from them!

The one who is reading this with a smile, I know you like I see you, because I know the kind of people like you.
The one who's crying while reading or just confused, don't worry I know you too. I know a lot of you!
We are all different kinds, but I hope we just don't stick to that to explain our negative or sour behavior.

I pray that my hands and my words bring warmth and joy in this world. I pray that I earn His Pleasure, and I pray that you earn His Pleasure.

And how much pain is a lot of pain? I think that is answered in the ayah "Allah does not burden a soul more than it can bear". Some have mountains on their backs, some have tiny thorns pricking that falls off, to each his own. So no one really has the right to say that you don't deserve to feel bad, because you always can. Allah gives you tests of your capacity, and I can't bear what you do,you you can't bear what I do.
But what you do about your feelings matters a lot, because how you choose to show it to the world can either break or make the world. And I pray that you make it. Always.