Just like that

Chapter 21

Pabaling baling siya sa kamang hinihigaan ngayon. Hindi siya makatulog. Malalim na ang gabi. Nilibot niya ang mata sa kabuuan ng kwarto.

Remyr's room..

It has masculinity aura on this room.
Just like him...

May mga bookshelves din doon sa gilid. Napakalaking kwarto. Mas malaki pa sa sala ng condo niya.

Bumaling naman siya sa kabilang gilid ng kama at napa buntong hininga. Napagpasyahan niyang tumayo nalang at bumaba para humanap ng maiinom.

Should I drink some beer? Ugh. So frustrating.

Lumabas siya at dumaan sa hallway. Ang laki talaga ng bahay nila. Nakaka lula. Kahit naman na lumaki ako sa mayamang pamilya hindi rin ako nasanay sa ganito. Ayaw ni mom na masasanay kami sa mga luho.

Bumaba siya sa hagdan patungong sala pero nakapatay na ang ilaw. Pero alam niyang may tao dahil may naka bukas na ilaw sa may bar counter. Napag pasyahan niyang pumunta doon.

Nakita niya ang bulto ni Remyr. Nainom ito. Hindi siya nito napansin dahil malamim ang iniisip. Hinablot niya yung baso at tinungga ang laman nun.

Napangiwi siya. Fck Rhum.

"Fcvk?" Gulat na sabi ni Remyr.

Inismiran niya lamang ito at naglagay pa sa baso at tinungga niya ulit.

Shit. Taste good. Paniguradong bagsak na siya mamaya.

"Stop drinking right there, woman."

I just ignored him. Bahala siya sa buhay niya. Nakakainis siya. Nakaka buysit. Parang may sapak sa ulo. Di mo maintindihan.

Minsan sweet, minsan hot. Well, that's a given. Remyr is a freaking drop dead gorgeous man.

Kailangan niya ng pampalakas ng loob. Binaba niya yung baso.

"Alam mo ikaw hindi kita maintindihan!" Sigaw niya rito.

"Nakaka inis kana! Kung kelan naman na tatanggapin na ulit kita saka ka naging ganyan! Ano ka babaeng may regla?! Moody? Dinaig mo rin ang buntis eh! Letche bahala ka sa buhay mo! Di porket ngayon mo lang nalaman na may anak nga tayo gaganyanin mo na ako. Di mo alam kung ano ang rason kung bakit ko siya tinago. I dont fcking care now, remyr! Even if we both reach to the court just for the custody of my son."

Sa lahat ng sinabi niya tinignan lang siya nito. Naiiyak siya. Gusto niyang maayos to pero wala. Hindi.

Ginawa lang naman niya ang pag tago sa anak niya dahil ayaw niyang masaktan ito. She don't want her son to feel rejected. She don't want her son to feel the pain at that young age. So, she spoil her son with love, attention that he needs. She did both. Being a mother to her own son and also being a father.

Siguro ganon nga talaga yun. Once na naging magulang kana lahat ng makakaya mo ibibigay mo. Yung isusubo mo nalang yung kutsara pero mas pipiliin mo paring ibigay sa anak mo.

Being a parent is not easy. You will sacrifice so many things. Your time and for yourself. You will give all of your might just to see them happy, just to see them that they are better. That you want them to be in a good situation.

Naluha siya.

"I hate you, remyr." Sa sinabi niyang yun tumalikod na siya.

Nakita niyang may dumaan na emosyon sa mga mata nito.

"Why..." Napatigil siya pag lalakad ng marining niyang nagsalita ito. She laughed bitterly.

"You're asking me why?" Humarap siya dito at tumawa ng mapakla.

"Really, Remyr Clinton? You are asking me that damn question when you already knew the fcking answer!" She shouted.

Pinunasan niya ang kumawalang luha sa mata niya. Lalapit na sana ito pero umatras siya.

"You did not listen toy explanations back then!" Rason nito.

Mas lalo siyang natawa.

"Really now, baby? Huh. Why would I need those explanations when I hear and saw things that is so clear that you just fcking used me! That you just made me your past time!" She sarcastically said.

Napapikit ito sa mga tinuran niya.

"I-i. Fck! I know I was wrong! That's the stupidest thing that I ever made!"

"I'm glad that you know that. And what? Huh. Here I am, planning to accept you again? Mabuti nalang at hindi ko pa nasasabi. You known what? I am sick and tired of being your puppet! Even though I still love you, It wont matter anymore. Because you? You are a fcking jerk. You habe everything way back then but what? You just threw that away. Just. Like. A. Hot. Potato. And I wont be that again."

"Natalie, I'm sorry. Sorry for acting like that. I just got mad because five long fcking years I didn't know. Nag mukha akong tanga! Na ano? Na may anak na pala ako! Fck! It drove me mad when I saw my son! I lived for five years just partying, banging some woman out there not knowing that I have a child! A-and, That scumbag friend of yours! My son grew up knowing that he is the father! That is unfair."

"It's not my fault. And it is not unfair. I am very thankful to Niccolo that he is there whem I am carrying Mark in my womb. So dont you dare talk to Niccolo like that. And hey, You're the reason why. And you knew the answer. I have my reason why I hid mark."

She saw his hands turn into a fist.

"We're leaving tomorrow. Just visit mark." Tatalikod nalang sana siya pero..

"Shaneia and I didn't work that time." Tumigil siya sa paglalakad pero hindi na siya humarap. She bit her lip to surpress a sob.

"I.. We-e.. I-i broke up with her. Because I realized something."

Napayuko siya at tuluyan ng umalpas ang mga luha sa kanyang mga mata.

"I realized that she is not what I want anymore. Well, she used to but, it is you. It is you why I broke up with her. It is you that I wanted at my side. To love until our skin wrinkles, until our hair is gray. I realized how stupid I am to do that to you. To not know your worth. To not see that you are worth everything to fight for. I just set you aside. I'm sorry. I truly am. I know it's not that easy. Lalo na't nabali ko nanaman ang tiwala mo, naging malabo nanaman ang tingin mo sakin ngayon. But, I will do everything. Again. For you and for our son."

Napahinga siya ng malalim bago naglakad ulit patungong kwarto.

Ewan. Hindi ko na alam ngayon.

Mabibigyan ko ba ng masayang pamilya ang anak ko?

Humiga siya sa kama at pumikit. Nagsialpasan ang kanyang luha. Mas lalo lang dumami ito.