Love on a Pole - Septiplier AU

Of Depression and Feelings

y'all ain't ready 

It's kinda funny how depression can make some of the best moments in life into the worst. Sometimes you're able to beat it down and go on with your life, and other times it's just an endless tumbling abyss of hopelessness. It makes you want to do nothing more than simply lie in an almost catatonic state, staring up at the ceiling, wishing that your life was better. Or that it was more bearable. Depression gets into the furthest reaches of your mind, yanking all of your fears to the front to be focused on.

This is what I contemplated now, as I lie here on my ebony black couch, my arms aching and itchy. I stare up at my popcorn styled ceiling, trying vainly to find pictures in the ever shifting wooziness that is me losing blood. My breathing seemed harsh in my ears compared to the quiet apartment, my eyelids droopy from exhaustion.

He doesn't really love you... A dark, raspy voice spoke. It sounded like me, and yet not.

He could never love some attention seeking slut like you... my mouth turned down into a frown, tears welling up in my eyes. I sniffed slightly, trying to focus back on the roof.

Go ahead and cry like the little bitch you are Sean. You couldn't do anything better... I let out a muffled sob, my hands pressed firmly over my mouth to quiet the pitiful cries my voice was involuntarily making.

Do it Sean. He doesn't need you, nobody does. You know where it is, come on!  I shook my head, trying to rid myself of the awful thoughts. Though it was tempting. To just make my way to my room, where it was-

"No..." I whispered. I reached up, tugging on the wrappings that covered my forearms that were starting to turn a deep red from my wounds reopening. some of it was seeping into the long sleeves of my shirt, but I could care less. It was just a shirt after all, and hydrogen peroxide dissolved blood. I could just simply wash it out. Suddenly  I hear a soft ding come from my phone that is sitting on the coffee table. Slowly I sit up and reach for it, sliding open the lock screen and checking the notification.

Mark: Hey angel :)

Even though I felt at my worst, it still made me smile that he called me angel.

Sean: Hey

Mark: How r u?

Sean: I'm fine :)

I had added the smiley face, hoping he wouldn't notice me in my time of need, even though I so desperately wanted him here with me.

Mark: Are you sure?

Sean: Yeah, y?

Mark: People say their fine when really aren't...

I sucked in a harsh breath at that, hearing the horrible voice start to plague my thoughts again.

See? He knows that you're pathetic. the voice snickered at the back of my mind, making me shiver.

Mark: Jack? You there?

Sean: Yeah

Sean: ...Can you come over? Plz?

Mark: Of course angel :)

Mark: Be over in 5

I lock my phone after his text and quietly sat there, my head in my hands. A knock sounded from the door a few minutes later, causing me to force myself to call out a quick "Come in!" before I was forced into a coughing fit. I wasn't sick, but my voice seemed oddly strained and broken from lack of use. Mark opened the door and came inside, noticing my frail state immediately, his eyes widening at the blood that was currently on my clothes.

"Sean? What-" he cut himself off as he noticed the gauze wrapped around my arms. He did frown, nor did he become sad. He simply pulled me in, engulfing me in a hug that responded to instantly.

"Shhhh, it's okay angel.... It's okay gorgeous...." I didn't even realize that I was crying until he said these words, mostly because I was so focused on the fact that Mark had actually showed up. He rubbed my back, making sure to avoid the bandages carefully.

"I'm sorry...." I whispered, burying my tear stained face into the crook of his neck.

"It's okay darlin', you're okay..." Mark pulled me tighter against his chest, making me take a shuddering breath. His warmth comforted me, relaxing me. We pulled slightly away from each other, making me look at him with sad eyes.

"I'm sorry for making you comfort me... I don't even know why you're still here with the broken mess that is me." I mumbled, breaking eye contact and looking down. Only to have my chin pulled up to look at Mark, who had a small astonished smile on his face.

"I'm still here because I love you. I'm still here because I fell in love with the way your eyes light up like stars when you talk about something you're passionate about. I'm still here because I fell in love with the way you lips quirk up on the side before turning into that beautiful smile of yours. I'm still here because I fell in love with the way you tugs on your sleeves when you nervous. How can you think that your a broken mess when you are one of the hopeful and gorgeous people I have ever met? As long as you need me, I will always be here to comfort you and be your shoulder to cry on." Mark brushed a few strands of hair out of my face, leaning up to press a kiss to my forehead when he was done.

"Mark.." My voice had cracked, making us both chuckle. "I love you too...."

"Next time you feel like a "broken mess", tell me so I can get some sense into you okay? Because you are the best thing that has ever happened to me."

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Another chapter up! Yeah, I know... I've been writing a lot of very sad chapters recently, besides the date. But really, I just wanted them to have a fluff chapter again because I have a smut chapter currently in the works for you guys and I need to level it out before you guys get hit with it. And there isn't really going to be anymore sad chapters anymore hopefully, because y'all are probably getting tired of the same shit repeating over and over.  So yes, the story will be getting back on plot in the next chapter. Alright, enough of my rant, go enjoy yourselves with some smut or something while you wait for another update. Love you all

AND I WILL SEE YOU.....IN THE NEXT VIDEO.... BUH-BYE!!!!!!!!!