Things We Lost In the Fire

Welcome 2 The Dawn

July 2,1998

Every time I feel like Prince has me on cloud 9, something always busts my bubble and sends me crashing back into reality.

I was up all night with Noah while he practically coughed his lungs out. Flipping the tv on, I surfed the channels until I landed on BET. Humming along to the smooth sounds of Erykah Badu, what the host of Planet Groove said next caused me to shoot straight up in bed.

"..the weather forecast for the next two hours call for showers, Purple Rain to be exact. So be prepared to get wet with controversy and drenched with songs as we feature one of the greatest artists of our time. It's a dedication to TAFKAP on Planet Groove. Plus his lovely wife Mayte will join us..."

All of my attention was on the screen as the music video for The One played.

Watching Mayte look so angelic and the way they moved as one had me shook to my core. I couldn't even process how he could possibly cheat on someone as beautiful as her. How he could "make love" to me and lay up with me for hours talking about anything and everything under the sun as if he cares, and then go home to her as if I never existed.

This is why I didn't want to get wrapped up in him from the beginning. And to think, I almost told him I loved him.

Watching her being interviewed, I realized how stupid I was and how much he really ain't shit. How could I be so stupid to let him reel me in and whisper these sweet lies in my ear.

"Fate placed you in Paisley Park that day, I gained an earthly angel....When we made love the first time it brought our souls closer together...You were brought into my life to fulfill a purpose..."

What fucking purpose, to be his mistress? Seeing her blush talking about her husband made me feel sorry for her. She's head over heels in love with this man that will happily go out and cheat...no be willing to carry out a full blown affair.

Maybe Morgan was right when she said he was no good. I wish the both of us would've just stayed friends, but then again that might've been his plan from the beginning to woo me. A part of me wishes I never met him.

Turning the tv off and throwing the remote, I turn my attention to an alert Noah. "Mommy why are you cwrying?" He asked as his little hand wiped away my tears.

"Im fine baby, lets go to bed. Mommy loves you." Littering his face with kisses, I laid him back down and I snuggled up next to him.

July 3, 1998

After getting next to no sleep, here I am the next day, sitting at the kitchen island, about to vent to an inquisitive looking Tori, ready to pick my brain.

Mindlessly doodling on the granite surface, I try and formulate the right words. "So, umm... I called you over here because I need your advice on something."

Taking a bite of her banana, she gasped with a full mouth, "Oh my god, you're pregnant again!"

I snapped my head up at her. "What the fu..No! I'm not. Jeez don't jinx me like that. I, umm...I've sort of been seeing this guy and its a kind of complicated situation..."

"Let me guess, he's married? I didn't know you were down with OPP?!" She threw the half eaten banana in the trash before proceeding. "So you call me over here out of all people, not because I am the most trusting person," placing her hands on her heart, "but because y'all know I have a past with married men. Ain't that some shit?!"