Things We Lost In the Fire

A Lesson Learned

September 18, 2000

Jasmin's Perspective

"She's doing it again!"

Assuming my baby girl was doing something alarming, I scurried into my bedroom only to see her head tilted back, cooing & smiling at the sky.

I planted a soft kiss on her cheek and whispered, "Are you talking to one of your guardian angels again mama?"

Albeit creepy at first, over the past month P and I had adjusted to this little quirk of hers. It was actually comforting to think that she had my grandmother, perhaps her older brother, or whomever else watching over her from heaven.

Tori continued to stare down at my baby in wonder. "So I'm the only one creeped out by this?"

"Pretty much, now help me choose: red or yellow?" I held each blouse flat against my chest, but she wasted no time giving her verdict.

"Let me guess, you got those from the old lady's section of Sears? I think you should wear a cute little black halter top with a mini-skirt."

My fingers danced along the lingerie in the dresser. "Hmm, that could be cute."

She danced over to the stereo, balancing Laila in one arm, pressing skip repeatedly before removing my Machel Montano CD. "I know it will be. I still can't believe you're actually going to this party with me tonight. It's about damn time Prince let you off of your leash."

He never had me on a leash. "Last time I checked I can do as I please."

"So he didn't get mad that you sprung this on him last minute?"

Oh no he was pissed, I thought the protruding vein in his neck was going to implode. "He'll live, it's only a couple of hours. Oh and I told him we were going to a get-together with friends, NOT a frat party."

Last time I went to a college party I called him piss-drunk, crying for him to come get me. I made a promise that I was done with partying, but that vow was broken two weeks later. He would flip his lid if he found out about tonight.

Tori's eyelids opened as wide as they could. "Listen if he finds out the truth I'm telling you right now, my name is Paul and that's between y'all! I don't want him chopping my head off for your lies!"

Eyes rolling at Tori's disloyalty, I sunk back into my own little world within the confines of my walk-in closet.

My foot slipped from pants I decided against wearing, leaving me in all but a pair of lacy boy shorts. Instinctively my waist rolled in sync with the bass vibrating off the walls. From lyrical memory I was spitting the verses flawlessly, memories of how carefree reality used to be coming to the forefront. I was starting to feel like the old me again, whoever that was. Being only 20 years old, I still hadn't fully found myself.

There I danced in the mirror, tooting my derriere out and hitting every angle making sure the burgundy material hugged my curves just right. This would be my first night out since I got pregnant, I had to look good. Oddly enough, the longer I rapped alongside Pac, the higher my confidence went.

"Don't be picky, just be happy with this quickie. But when you learn, you can't tie me down baby doll. Check it out, I get around! I get arou—"

The track stopped without warning. Tori was in for a rude awakening, but the true culprit appeared around the corner and leaned against the door sill, an oversized toy dart gun perched on his shoulder.

"Jasmin, what are you doing?"

"I can't decide on what I should wear tonight. Baby help, do you like this shirt with these pants?"