Things We Lost In the Fire

Almost Too Much To Bear

His facial features hardened once he heard my unfavorable answer. His grip on my left hand gradually loosened. "You don't know? It's a yes or no question Jasmin."

I didn't know what to tell him. Just because I was unsure at the moment didn't mean that there wasn't hope in the future for us to rebuild the trust that essentially was never there. "P you make it seem like I'm not in love with yo--"

He rudely cut me off. "If you're in love with me you should trust me, it's as simple as that. Why would you even say you'd marry me if you didn't trust me?"

His defensive disposition began to frustrate me. Beyond my control I could feel my eyes begin to well up with tears. "Because I knew—I know I want to be with you that's why. I never said I didn't trust you."

He scoffed as he began to pace towards his desk. "Yeah you didn't, but you didn't say you did trust me either." He had a point.

I had noticed the baby had been moving for about a minute or so but my boiling frustration clouded that precious feeling. "Can you just stop?"

Out of no where he raised his voice. "Stop what?!"

My voice cracked as my eyes glazed over with tears. "Acting like I never had a reason not to trust you."

A smirk threatened to leave his mouth as he push his brunette bangs out of his view. "What are you talking about?"

Leaning his butt against the edge of his mahogany desk, he crossed his arms as I paced towards him.

"P you know damn well what I'm talking about. Are we going to pretend like the woman that just stormed out of here not even 15 minutes ago wasn't the woman I was playing second fiddle to for almost a year and a half?" All he could do was scoff and shake his head from side to side because he knew I was telling the truth. "You never gave me a reason to trust you!"

A sigh escaped him while he looked to the floor. "What do you want me to say? I'm sorry? Sorry I didn't give you a reason to trust me?"

He can really be an asshole. Digging my right stiletto heel into the carpet I kissed my teeth. "You know that apology doesn't mean shit. You can't apologize for having me as your mistress. What the hell is that?"

"Mistress?"

"Yes! That's exactly what I was and you know it, I don't know if those were your plans initially and you just happened to catch feelings along the way or wha—"

His eyes grew wide. "Jasmin do you hear yourself right now?! I don't know if your blood sugar is low or what but as many times as I professed my love for you you should know better than that."

What could he possibly say to refute my words? Folding my arms against my chest, I shook my head. "So what are you trying to say it was love at first sight or something like that?"

"No, I don't know. I felt something the first time I laid my eyes on you. I was drawn to you--something was pulling me in your direction while you looked over the balcony. I knew early on our souls were in sync. As beautiful as I thought you were the first thought in my head was not sexual. I wanted to explore your subconscious. We developed such a deep connection that your words and aura alone could bring me to climax without sex. I could keep going but you can't sit here, think back on our entire relationship and say that you've NEVER trusted me."

Watching him watch me, I reflected on every moment we shared. "You know I did. I shouldn't have, but I trusted you."

"Why did you stop?"

"Because...I remembered your heart didn't belong to me. You would've told me anything at the time to keep me happy. I realized the more trust I put in you, the harder I'd fall when you let me go."