Things We Lost In the Fire

I Wanna Know

Wiping the sleep away, the moment my eyes opened, they immediately snapped shut due to the brightness in the room. Burying my head into the plush pillow, I began to pray that this pounding headache would go away. Drinking always seems like a good idea until you wake up the next morning.

Throwing the duvet off of my body, I lay flat on my stomach and focused on my deep breathing so that the wave of nausea would hopefully subside. The cold breeze of the ceiling fan blowing upon my exposed legs put me at ease.

There was a light rustling in the background and I heard a familiar baritone voice mumble, "she's still sleeping?". I heard a glass being set down on the bedside table before the edge of the bed dipped down to the left of me.

A light moan slipped from me as strong yet soft fingers entangled themselves in my frizzy hair and gently massaged my scalp. Through my hoarse voice, I croaked, "Baby can you please close the curtains?"

P sighed as he removed his hand and got off the bed. Peeking over the pillow, once he drew the shades closed I slowly sat up and leaned against the headboard. Retaking his position on the bed, through the dimly lit room it was hard to read the expression on his face. His hair was disheveled and pulled into a low ponytail. As we stared at each other, I could tell he wanted to say something but he settled on fiddling with the loose stitching on the sheets.

"How did I get here?"

Ignoring my question, he handed me the bottle of water and two ibuprofen on the table. After I downed that, he handed me a warm mug of Ginger tea. "You look like shit."

I stifled a laugh and said, "Yeah well you don't look too hot either Spud."

"Well you wouldn't either if you stayed up all night worrying and watching over your woman to make sure she didn't choke on her own vomit", he stated in a serious tone. I shifted slightly at how tense the atmosphere had become. "So you don't remember anything about last night Jasmin?"

Tightening the grip on the mug, I closed my eyes attempting to piece together any memories of yesterday. "I remember leaving the cemetery and going home to change. And then I remember going over my friends apartment in the city, but after that it's a blur. I guess I blacked out." Watching him shake his head in disappointment, I began to feel ashamed for my excessive drinking. How in that moment, I just thought about myself.

His tone wasn't abrasive, he kept his voice calm. "Jasmin, do you know how stupid it was for you to be out drunk? You're only 19, you shouldn't be drinking anyways. What if something would have happened to you? I get that you're mourning but alcohol can't help you."

I didn't know if it was the alcohol still coursing through my veins or the disapproving glare he had but it became harder for me to keep my composure. "I just wanted the pain to go away."

"You thought alcohol was going to do that? Did it work? Did you wake up this morning and feel liberated because of the alcohol?"

Because of his overwhelming, increased interrogation, tears rolled down my face as I shook my head no.

Scooting closer to me, his face softened as he wiped my cheeks. "Jazz, I'm not trying to be mean, I just need you to understand that you cant always internalize your problems or turn to other substances. Seeing you drunk like that last night had me worried."

I scoffed, "Oh you were worried? Now you care? You didn't care enough to answer the damn phone when I actually needed you. But it's fine, I'M FINE."

"You're not fine, but I'm here now with you." Leaning away from his touch, I focused my gaze elsewhere after I grabbed my tea.

As the cold bitterness set in the room, he retreated from the bed. Watching him make his way towards the door, he gripped the door handle and said, "I'll be downstairs. I helped you bathe last night, but you can freshen up if you want to."