Things We Lost In the Fire

I'm Missing You

A/N: I apologize in advance 😭

Can I even place the blame on anyone but myself for the wave of emotions I felt when I saw Mayte with him?

Confusion, anger, sadness, jealousy. A part of me wanted to burst out in tears, but I knew Tori would slap me upside my head and tell me to toughen up. I wanted to either snatch Mayte by her hair or slap him across his face, but I knew I'd get dragged out by security and that wouldn't solve anything. I handled it the best way I could. The best thing for me to do WAS leave.

The wave of nausea I experienced came more so from my own guilt. My guilt of allowing this man to invade my conscious and have me feeling like I'm the only girl in the world. I became so accustomed to the normalcy of him and I, that I in a sense forgot the situation I was in. I believed what we had was a two-laned road, when in fact it's a three way intersection with no stop signs and we were seconds away from a head on collision.

After all of that and listening to Tori go on and on about it the whole way home, I just wanted to go home and take a hot shower. Hours since then, I was disturbed out of my sleep by the aggravating monotonous ringing of the phone. Clamping the pillow over my head, I let it go on until I picked up the third time around.

"Whatever you're selling, I'm not buying!"

He sighed into the phone, "Can we talk?"

"We are talking Mr.Nelson."

"Really Jazz? Okay, I know you're upset about what happened to—"

"Upset? I'm perfectly fine, I'm calm." I really was at this point. After an hour of meditation and venting to Morgan about what happened, I realized that its nothing but water under the bridge now. I can't stress over that incident. At the end of the day, let her throw their relationship in my face. It doesn't change the fact that he says he loves me and is in my bed.

"No you're not." How would he know? "I know you like the back of my hand. What occurred earlier upset you, I'm sorry that happened. But, what you said was out of line."

I shot straight up in bed and looked at the phone before answering. "I was out of line? She started it! All I said was that I met you through Morgan."

He smacked his teeth. "Yeah but you were implying that you knew how much they hated each other. You knew that would set her off. Afterwards she was barking in my ear about it, saying all types of things. I'm trying to keep the peace. If she had concrete evidence of infidelity, she could use that against me."

"Well, that's not my problem."

"Jazz, you have to listen to me and follow my le—"

"Goodnight P."

Hours later when I was folding laundry and watching Jerry Springer, he appeared on my doorstep bearing a Calla Lily & White Rose bouquet and a small teddy bear. Inviting him in, I gave him the silent treatment until he had promised he was working on smoothing it over and once he got back from L.A in two days with her, everything would be fine. Somehow, we ended up going at it on top of the washing machine during the spin cycle.

He left for Los Angeles and being that his schedule was so hectic, I couldn't call him. Anxiously waiting for his call before my shift, when his silky deep voice filled my ears, I tried my hardest not to sound too giddy. Everything was all fine and dandy until I heard a noise in the background. I knew a certain someone else had entered the room because I could hear the subtle change in his tone. After an attempt or two of getting him to say my name out loud, I just hung up and went on my way.