Discovering My Identity - PaperJam X Fresh (Underhigh fanfiction)

Chapter 16 - Forgiving

I am walking the rest of the way to the camp due to the road being closed.  I see a few cars barrel through the barricade.  I stop them with strings and keep walking.  I fix the barricade and keep going up the path.  "What the hell is that!!!" I hear someone shout.  I then see Grumpy.  He comes over and nudges me before a low growl escapes Grumpy.  I look to see three men in black pointing a gun towards me.  Grumpy is on edge looking towards them.  The back of a car opens and I see Trixy.  I roll my eyes hard before turning and patting Grumpy on the back.  He comes along and we walk alongside the road.  

Time skip...

I am going up hill with Grumpy and a cub when Gerson and Caramel come into view.  Caramel is running down towards us.  She knocks me over and is hugging me.  I laugh hugging her back. We then go over to Gerson.  I hug him right away and start to talk to him about my last two months of school.  We are laughing and talking then the jeeps pull up.  Gerson sighs.  "I swear if that is Trixy..."  I mutter.  Gerson raises a brow at me.  "A human girl that wants me as a pet to 'play' with.  And you know my problems."  I state. He nods.  "There is a girl coming to join this new female group, by that name."  He says.  I groan. Doors open and there are people looking around.  Gerson goes towards the group.   Caramel, Grumpy and I are wrestling each other. I get taken down by Grumpy and they sit on me.  Then the cub comes over and is licking my face. "You two where is he?" I hear Gerson say.  They both get up and Caramel then paws at me before laying down beside me.  "Ow... My sweet ink..."  I mutter.  Caramel is growling.  "Meet the two therapy bears and their kids, well one is a patient here as well, but Caramel thinks of him as a cub.  He spent 7 months with us last year and now he comes whenever possible for him."  I hear Gerson laugh.  I see Trixy looking bored till I sit up.   Caramel is glaring at her.  Caramel then looks at me not looking impressed.  "I don't like her either."  I whisper.  She rolls her eyes at me after looking at Trixy. Gerson and I burst into laughter along with the cub. Grumpy knocks me over. "Grumpy!!! You are racist!!!" I protest. He growls at me. I just cross my arms smirking. "You know I am right."  I state.  He puts a paw over my face to shut me up.  I am then squashed.  I can hear Gerson laughing.  Suddenly I see Caramel yawning and she picks me up easily. "Come on Caramel let your adopted cub go."  Gerson laughs.  Me and Caramel hug both pouting at him. Gerson is howling with laughter.  

Time skip...

All the other kids are around the campfire singing and laughing, while Caramel, Gerson and I are talking off to the side.  "So what happened?"  Gerson asks.  "I ended up attacking a bunch of cops again... I don't mean to attack them, but I just can't control myself, which causes flashbacks and I can't control those either."  I sigh.  Gerson sighs and says "Have you ever thought of trying to see the full picture?"  He asks.  "Yes... It is just hard to do."  I sigh as well.  He nods and says "Go over the incident one more time, no need for details."  I can feel myself getting nervous and I cough looking at the ground.  Caramel hugs me tightly.  "I was in the office... Edge was drunk... He drugged me and then raped me."  I state and just saying that made me short of breath.  "Good... Now take a deep breath and think 'What happened wasn't my fault... I couldn't control myself and that I should never go near alcohol'." Gerson says.  I glare at him.  He laughs at that making me laugh.  I lean against Caramel feeling better about myself.  I close my eyes and take a deep breath.  'What happened wasn't my fault, I couldn't control myself and I shouldn't go near alcohol often.'  I think just to spite Gerson.   I open my eyes and Gerson is standing beside Edge. "It's alright... You are not hallucinating. He won't hurt you I made sure of it."  Gerson says.  Caramel is holding me close.  I am covering myself up due to fear.  "Pj... Please... I won't hurt you."  I hear Edge say.  I shake my head no.  Flashbacks are going through my head.  I can hear screaming, but I don't know from where.  I come back to my senses and Caramel is pinning me down.  I am shaking violently. "Who was screaming???"  I hear someone shout.  "It was way too soon..."  I hear Gerson say as he comes over to me.   Gerson picks me up and I am fighting against him.  "Get back!!!"  I hear someone shout.  "PaperJam, look at me."  I hear Gerson shout.  I open my eyes to see the wall.   "What are you doing to him!!!"  I hear someone shout.  "PaperJam focus, focus."  I hear a soothing voice say.  "Come on... You are alright... What happened to you wasn't your fault PaperJam... It was mine... I shouldn't have been drinking... And I shouldn't had forced you to do the things I forced you to do."  I hear.  "It wasn't my fault... It wasn't my fault... It... Wasn't... My fault."  I say starting to relax.  My vision comes back as I blink a few times.  My shaking has stopped completely and I take a deep breath to fully relax.  "It... Worked..."  I hear Gerson say.  "PaperJam... You don't ever have to forgive me... But... I am so sorry... You were already going through shit, and I just had to add onto it... Fuck... I am so sorry Kid."  He says holding my shoulders.  He's sobbing.  I let my arms go around him and he hugs me back.  "I forgive you!" I shout into his chest. I mutter "I forgive you." Into his chest for a long period of time.   I fall silent just hugging Edge.  He is hugging me tightly. 

I can feel myself falling asleep.  "Pj... Are you alright?"  I hear Edge ask.   I nod slowly.  I hug him even tighter. 'I forgive myself... I forgive Edge, because it wasn't his fault, his actions weren't his own.' I think. I feel warm suddenly and it is starting to kill me.  "Pj..."  I hear.  I feel myself starting to fall asleep.  I rest my head on his chest and I feel him shift slightly.  "Did... He... Fall asleep?"  I hear.  "No... He's just relaxed."  I hear Edge say.  I open my eyes slightly as I feel him pull me closer.  Edge is sobbing I can hear his sobs and I can feel his shaking.  I see my soul in front of me and it looks horrible.  I close my eyes feeling it burn slightly.  "Is that his soul?"  I hear.  "Why does it have so many cracks?"  I hear as there is a soothing feeling suddenly.  "The soul takes a long time to heal after being shattered... A funny thing with PaperJam is... He is best friends with the person who almost killed him."  I hear Gerson say.  'I forgive everyone who has done me wrong...'  I think before feeling my soul burn and I gasp grabbing my chest.  "Pj..."  Edge says worriedly.  Flashbacks are going through my head and I grab onto him.  He is hugging me and is holding my hand.  

Time skip...

I am walking around with the bears easily, since I am part of the family.  I see someone walking around looking confused.  "Hey, you lost?"  I ask smiling.  "I was told to come find someone named PaperJam... I'm Fred from a lower down camp."  He says with an extended hand.  I hesitate a lot but I shake his hand "PaperJam... Nice to meet you."  I say softly. Caramel and Grumpy nudge me. "Oh uh... Gerson and my camp leader want you to come down to visit our camp."  He says.  I nod and we start to walk down hill.  Caramel stays beside me.  "So I heard you are pretty messed up."  I hear him say that.  "Yes... I have issues, most people at these camps do."  I state calmly.  "Sorry if that, offended you."  He says.  "It didn't don't worry."   I say smiling gently.  

Time skip...

I was being toured around the lower camps for half the day.  Everyone kept getting scared of Caramel.  She had wandered off and has been gone for awhile. Gerson shows up with Caramel and I smile at that. Caramel comes right over to me and tackles me.  We start to wrestle and it is a few moments before I am stuck underneath her again.  I hear kids laughing.  I do a push up before plopping back down.  I land on my face.  "Adorable!!! He thinks he can win against a grizzly bear!!!"  I hear.  I knock Caramel over and then pin her down.  "Dude... He just won against a grizzly!"  I hear.  I am panting.  "Caramel stop eating so much!!!"  I protest.  Caramel rolls her eyes at me then swats me off her.  She then nuzzles me and I hug her.