Discovering My Identity - PaperJam X Fresh (Underhigh fanfiction)

Chapter 10 - Caramel

Time skip...

We are all talking and hanging out on the couch.  My parents are avoiding touching me and I sigh, smiling at the carpet.   I then feel the craving to have a smoke but I keep from just going and having one.  I cough slightly and I pin my hands between my legs trying to stop the twitching. "Jammy... Are you alright?"  Dad asks.  "Uh... Yeah... Just trying to keep control ya know."  I laugh nervously.  Dad sits beside me and hugs me tightly.  I hug him back to avoid freaking out. My breathing is hitched due to emotional panic and internal turmoil because I am freaking out about being touched.  "Ink..."  Father says.  I hug Dad harder trying to show myself it is alright and that I don't have to be scared of being touched by my parents. 

Next day...

My parents and I are going hiking together.  We are on the edge of a cliff just sitting currently, no one is talking, but the sound of water below is peaceful.  I am smoking to keep my cravings down.  My parents are sitting far from me.   'They're probably disappointed in me... I bet they hate me too.'  I think as I sink into my depression.  I then see a bear beside me and I sweat drop. My parents look horrified.  'Is that why they moved?'  I think.  The bear looks hurt.  I put out my cigarette and then put my stuff away.  It is watching me.  I slowly raise a hand towards its snout. It has a deep growl but it smells me.  It then nuzzles my hand.  I start to pet it gently.  It rests its head on my lap and my breathing hitches.  It looks up at me with a motherly look of worry surprisingly.  Father and Dad are smiling and they are with another man.  The bear then puts an arm around me, pulling me from the edge.  It is heavy and I can't move.  I continue to pet it hearing a low growl.  The man then comes over to me he looks like he works here in the national park, due to his outfit.  "Hey, I just talked to your parents."  He says sitting down a bit further away from me.  I remain silent as I take deep breaths.  The bear nuzzles into my side.  "So... PaperJam... They took you out to see me so you can relax.  I see you have met Caramel, the brown bear.  She seems to take a liking towards you." The man says coming a little closer.  I get scared of him getting near me.  The bear growls and places a paw on my chest. I feel better right away, surprisingly.  I continue petting Caramel gently. The man laughs before saying  "Caramel definitely seems to take a liking to you."  Caramel growls seeing him come closer.  "Oh... She is very protective of you."  He says.  My parents are watching curiously. He sits a bit closer and says "PaperJam... You are in a safe place tell me a bit about you."  I think for a few moments.  "I'm... Made of ink and strings... I live away from home... I go to Underhigh High school..."  I trail off. The man nods and shifts slightly.  "Why do you live away from home?"  He asks.  I look towards my parents and they smile at me.  "I had attacked my parents, so I felt horrible and ran away from home.  I live with Mama currently."  I say.  "Mama?  Is she still alive?  Wow... She really does live forever."  The man laughs.  "You know Mama?"  I ask.  "Yep... I knew her from when she was still young, she is still young now."  He laughs.  I nod smiling slightly.  Caramel sets her head on my lap.  I sigh slightly.  "Is there something bothering you?" He asks.  I get nervous and it causes me to panic.   Caramel moves her paw that's against my chest.  I feel better about my situation again.  Dad comes over to me.  "Jammy, you can tell him. It is alright." He says.  I nod slowly.  I hold his hand, trembling.  Caramel whines looking at me. "Why are you shaking so much PaperJam?"  The man asks.  Dad leaves and I set my hand on Caramel's arm. "I am... Scared of being touched or touching others."  I say softly.  "Why are you scared?"  He asks.  "I had something happen to me."  I say feeling too embarrassed to share it. "We can come back to that later... Now... How did it make you feel?"  The man says. "I felt really scared, gross, and I wanted to disappear."   I say hugging myself.  "Did you tell anyone what happened?"  He asks.  "Mama knew what happened as soon as she saw me and I told my parents exactly what happened..." I state.  He nods a slight frown on his face.  I can feel that cloud of depression trying to drown me.  Caramel pulls me into her and I fall over.  I am stuck against her.  Her fur is so warm and soft as she is cuddling me.  I am not even trying to sit up. "PaperJam... How do you deal with this fear and the memories that make you feel this fear?" The man asks. "I smoke cigarettes and go to the gym to help relax me."  I say shyly.  "Yes, I was wondering why you were smoking earlier, was it one of the other boys at Mama's that started you on it?"  The man asks.  "No... I started smoking the night I was... I had that thing happen to me... My coworkers and my ex-boss noticed how stressed I was."  I say nervously.  Caramel pulls me closer putting me on my back.  "Caramel..." I laugh.  I hug Caramel's arm since it is on top of me.  The man laughs and I blush.  Caramel yawns and nuzzles me.  I then hear someone scream.  I look to see a girl falling.  I use my ink strings and grab her.  I make a net like thing.  There is another girl staring at the girl their eyes wide.   Dad and Father are there beside the girl. I then us my strings to put them back on the cliff.  The man is smiling relieved. Caramel nuzzles me again and I relax as the strings disappear.  I sigh hugging Caramel's paw.  The man laughs "Seems like Caramel really likes you."   I blush at that.  "Now... Do you feel comfortable talking about what has you scared of being touched?"  He asks.  "The day... I started smoking... I... I was... Raped... by my boss..."   I say feeling tears in my eyes as I think about.  The man frowns then moves closer.   Caramel lifts her paw lifting me and placing me under her protection like a cub.  The man laughs  "I have never seen Caramel so protective over someone."  I sniffle.  "Now PaperJam... How did that make you feel?"  He asks me.  I am shaking trying not to cry.  "It... Made me feel disgusting... Like I was nothing... Like I was just there for that purpose... That nobody cares..."  I say trying not to sob.  "It might have made you feel disgusting, but people care about you, your parents obviously do, Mama cares, the boys you are living with, and Caramel and I care.   PaperJam you are important, not nothing, everyone has a purpose in life but that is not your purpose in life."  The man says. He grabs my hand gently and says "You are extremely strong and loved PaperJam... Just because this person thought they could get away with what they did doesn't mean they did.  Silence is their friend, it keeps them protected.  Now that you've told people about what happened they are no longer protected."  I nod slowly and wipe the tears in my eyes.  I then realize I am holding his hand and he is close. I am not shaking or freaking out at all.  "PaperJam... It is alright... See? You can trust me and Caramel... We are a safe place."  He says.  I nod slowly. "Can I give you a hug?"  He asks. I think for a few moments and nod.  I still feel the panic but the shaking isn't there as I get ready to hug him.  He hugs me gently and I feel my hands trembling slightly.  "It is alright PaperJam... See I'm not hurting you."  He says.  I take a deep breath to try to relax and my hands aren't shaking as bad. I hear a sigh of relief. I pull away and he lets go right away. He places a hand on my shoulder.  "See... Now you can come see us anytime you like. Caramel will miss you, but we will probably see you again before you are done your hike with your family."  He says.  I nod slowly while smiling softly.