Cynical // Draco Malfoy

Twenty Three

"Why are you avoiding Draco?"

"I'm not!"

"Oh you so are. I can tell. Besides, he's practically eating up your form from the Slytherin table over there."

"Stop looking!"

"It's been three days since you two spent like all day in the library... you're clearly ignoring him. You even make us take an opposite route to transfiguration where we always see him right before."

"I just feel awkward.." Grayson whined pushing around the food on her plate, appetite being practically non-existent.

"Then talk to him."

It was true. Ever since her and Draco brought up sex, she just felt strange around him. Seeing him made her run in the opposite direction but she couldn't quite pin point why. He hadn't done anything, just maybe thinking about how their relationship could escalate once they were married scared her a little. At sixteen she would be marrying someone who would be eighteen by that time and she'd be losing her virginity. What would be next? Children?

Their relationship seemed so simple until Grayson started thinking about what marriage actually implied. Most people knew each other for years before even getting engaged, and then waited longer for the actual wedding. She only knew her fiancé for a little over six months now and they'd be spending life together and the only way out would be a divorce. She adored Draco and was happy to have him, but how long would his kindness towards her last?

"I'm scared Ginny.. this marriage thing is really starting to hit me."

"You need to talk to him then. For a relationship to work you need an open line of communication."

"I just- Ginny this is my first ever actual relationship and I'm marrying him. I literally have no idea what I'm doing."

"Well it seems to be going pretty good then."

"My head is starting to hurt," she lied, "I'm gonna go lay down." she actually just wanted to be alone and have time to think more. Lately it felt like that was all she ever did now.

Standing up from the table Grayson left the partially full Great Hall, not even having finished her food. In just three days there was a visible change in the way she looked- especially from not being able to eat from all the stress she felt. Her eyes looked dull and hair was flat, just like how it was after the drowning incident.

Draco's eyes followed his fiancé's form like a hawk. As soon as she left, he followed suit. He couldn't tell where she was going as he quickly trailed her down the hallway. It didn't take him long to catch up with her though,

"Yang!"

She spun around staring at him, "what?"

"Just what? That's all I get?"

"I-I'm sorry I just don't feel well and I need to go rest I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Oh that's bullshit." he now owned her attention one he said those words, "talk to me. Because ever since what happened in the library you're acting all strange. If you need me to apologize more I will. I just don't understand it!"

"It's not that.. it's just this whole thing is finally starting to hit me Draco. Marriage. Are either of us actually ready for it? It's such a huge commitment and sometimes I feel like I don't know you, and I'm so scared I'll just turn into someone else you treat horribly."

His eyes filled with sympathy for the poor girl. Of course he thought of how severe marriage was for the two. But he wanted it to work, "princess." he walked up to her, running his hand through his blonde hair messing it up, "you're important to me don't forget that. I love you and I feel confident saying that now. I get I'm not someone you would've ever associated with, and I get there's a lot of hate between me and your friends- which won't change.. but you'll never be someone I could ever hate. I don't want you to be scared of me."

Here the two were in the middle of a hallway having an argument that should've been taking place in private. Luckily for them no one was around to see or hear it, but that didn't change the fact it was technically public.

"Should we try taking it slow again?"

"No. Let's just go from where we are. I thought we were in a good place at least."

"We have problems Malfoy."

"Everyone does Yang."

Pulling her into his chest he kissed the top of her head into her hair. They stayed there for what felt like an eternity before Draco offered to walk Grayson back to Gryffindor Tower. She accepted per usual not wanting to be alone, but also didn't want to lose the feeling of her smaller hand in his.

***

Mother and Father,

Could you tell me how marriage is? Or is at first.. How much does it change a relationship? I'm so scared about its implications and severity. Should I even be this scared? I have so many strong feelings for Draco that I know he has too, it's just are we too young for this? And sometimes I wonder too, if our feelings are only there because we were forced together. At least I don't believe it's like that for me. Just please let me know what I should be expecting- because I could be overthinking this. Love you two always..

Grayson stared at the letter she wrote. This would be the first time admitting to her parents she actually cared for Draco and really was putting thought into the wedding. Now she felt like they were the only two she could turn to, none of her friends had any idea what love was like. Or at least marriage. She knew thought that she probably should have written to them about this sooner, but was too scared to.

Being a Malfoy wasn't exactly on the top of her or anyone's list- but that's what would have to happen to be with Draco. Her parents weren't fond of Lucius whatsoever, and neither was she. There would no doubt be drama once the families were put together. Grayson came from a far too proud wizarding family of Japan, one that wouldn't give up heritage for anything. She should have been marrying someone of the Asian culture, not a blonde english boy.

But life doesn't always work out how you expect it to.