Deep Into The Water (Book 1 Phoebe Grey Fanfic)

Chapter 17: Good things come to those who wait- most likely...

After the doctor releases me, Grant offers to take me home with Liam driving and him coddling me. Despite my father's irritation, I go with Grant because I want to. In the car, Liam keeps the music on low and asks me over and over again if I need anything while Grant plays with fingers and my hair. 

I try very hard to not picture it in my head so much but I fail, I see it over and over. I have no idea who that person was or how they got past the immense security that my father has in place but however, they did- they got me. Why come into my home to hurt me but not kill me? What could they have gotten from it?

My fears are cut short when Liam pulls into my driveway, bringing me back to this place I once considered the safest place on earth. Now looking at the large cottage styled mansion, it seems so much more terrifying to come back to it. 

Grant walks me to the door and places a swift kiss on my forehead before hopping back into the small rental car.  I don't say hi to anyone when I come in, I just run up the stairs to my room and close the door on the world before anyone's concern can trap me. 

My phone bings and I know who it is before I even look at it...

Sleep  well Luv, dream of me

-Grant

I wonder what it's like for him. For me I feel stuck in the same repeating motion. We can go from meaningful conversations to meaningless animal sex in about two minutes. He won't let me anywhere near his heart: only close enough to make me want to know more. Maybe what we have will never lead to anything.

Maybe we'll spiral into an emotionless thing where we are both unhappy.

We will cheat on each other.

We will hate each other.

Then we will be done.

He hasn't given me a good reason to continue anymore. The smart thing to do would be to tell him that I want more or I'll walk. But to walk means never seeing him at all with the exception of magazine covers and billboards.

Oh, I am more confused than a tourist in Philadelphia! I don't know how to navigate this thing. Talk or walk.

Instead of basking in my sadness and confusion I decided to organize my journals. I write so many of them every year. None of them are filled with thoughts I claim as my own, instead I express my thoughts through strangers I create. Like Seattle, she's only 15 but knows every song ever created by James Taylor. Or London, he can only eat chocolate when it's raining outside. All of them are strange and out of place. All of them are me. Little versions of me anyway.

I wonder how I came from these two perfect individuals. Christian and Anastasia Grey. King and Queen of the business world. I didn't know how to compete with the version of my mother that everyone saw in me so I didn't. I really am just myself with everyone which probably why my only close friend is Gabriel. Speaking of Gabriel...

"Phoebe no one on planet earth needs this many different types of mascara!" Gabriel makes me laugh harder than usual. He hasn't left my side since the hospital.

"Shut up Gabriel, a girl needs to keep her options open." And neither has Ava.

Both of them got permission from their parents to stay with me for a whole week. All the parents got together and decide it was best to have us home-schooled. Gabriel and I were fine with it but Ava was morally disgusted by the idea of not being on the cheer team.

Unlike us, Ava was outgoing and beautiful. She loved attention and meaningless animal sex with pretty much any football player. All the players turned into sad boys who listened to emo music after Ava was done with them. Uncle Eliot had the most awful time trying to ignore Ava's adventures but Kate always grounded her for every time she went a bit overboard. The thought of Ava acting like herself drove her crazy.

"So..." Ava exclaims, "How's Grant doing?" Ava is beautiful but not at all hard to read.

"Good", I mutter this in the hope that we can move on from the subject but Ava being herself won't let it go.

She makes her eyebrows move into a harsh v-line and I sigh with defeat. "Okay! Well, I thought that because he was acting so different at the hospital that I could feel a little more safe with him, but whenever we get just a bit closer to being a normal couple he steps away. He just complicated."

"Dump him!" She groans.

"I think he is just trying to adjust to you - give it more time Phee." Gabriel  pleas. 

"Shut the fuck up Gabriel! He is an ass to her. The only reason you're on his side is that you're the grant in your relationship."

It takes about two seconds before I realize Teddy is standing in the doorway. We all know he heard but because he doesn't acknowledge it neither do we.

"Dad went to go out to pick up some dinner and should be back in like 30."

"Ted do you want to help us organize my room?" Teddy takes one look at Gabriel and leaves without another word. "Fix this!" I yell at Gabriel.

"Okay!" He jumps back with terror and goes to find Teddy. 

Ava moves closer to me with one arm wrapped around me making me feel more at ease than ever before. She does have a point, I need to tell Grant that we need to slow down before anything else happens between us. The harsh hit to the head was a wakeup call for me- I have to have more respect for myself in this relationship. The wonderful parts about Grant is what is keeping me staying with him.