dear self | soukoku

22 | confrontation

Dear Self,

It's been about 2 months since Chuuya and I confessed. Things are okay.

Unfortunately, Chuuya still is getting used to this. It's kind of annoys me since I'm dying to touch him. I try to make my move once in awhile, but he just rejects me and acts like nothing happened.

Well maybe it annoys me more than I think....

Actually it really annoys me. And it kind of makes me sad to...

I just...feel like maybe he's changed his mind about this whole thing.

Maybe his confession was just a phase? Is this his way of rejecting me?

Maybe I'm just overreacting. I should have faith in him. He's just not used to this kind of thing.

But at the same time, I'm not used to any of this either and here I am trying so hard.

Maybe that's the problem. Am I trying too hard?

Ugh. Why is everything so confusing?

Anyways, I'm gonna meet with Chuuya later. Maybe I'll question him about my thoughts.

Until then.

//

Just got back from being with Chuuya. Of course, when I first asked him about it, he just repeated the same words.

"Chuuya why do you always reject me?" I asked him.

"Haven't I already told you? I'm not used to this." He said.

"Neither am I. Yet here I am, trying so hard to make this work." I said. "So, when are you gonna be ready. You know, with this whole thing?"

"I don't know."

"Can you at least try this out? We don't need to do anything too crazy. Just like holding hands or something." I replied.

"I don't know..."

"Please?" I said softly.

I was about to give up when I saw Chuuya's hand come closer to me from the corner of my eye.

"Here." He said, looking away. His cheeks were a bit red.

I was overjoyed. I interlocked my hand into his. I softly squeezed it.

"See, not that bad right?" I said smiling.

"Yeah." He replied. I could see a small smile coming from him.

//

Looks like talking to him about it didn't turn out bad. In fact, I think it made Chuuya open up a little.

This turned out to be a great day.

Sincerely,
Joyful Dazai