dear self | soukoku

prologue | glimpse

December 25

"Awww come on Ranpo, just wear the hat." Atsushi says, holding his homemade Santa hat.

"That pathetic excuse for a hat does not deserve to be worn on my head."

"Pleeeaaasse. I spent 2 hours on these! Also, everyone else is wearing them!" Atsushi says.

"Dazai isn't." Ranpo replies, pointing a finger toward Dazai.

Atsushi runs toward Dazai. "Dazai! Why aren't you wearing my hat?"

Dazai had his arms on the table. His head was laying on top his arms.

"Hmm, guess I'm not really in the mood." He replies.

The truth was Dazai was feeling a bit down since Christmas reminded him of old memories with his old partner, Chuuya. When he was still in the Mafia, Chuuya and Dazai would always have a drink at their favorite bar on Christmas.

"Does anyone want cookies?" Naomi says, walking in with a tray full of red and green cookies.

Everyone except Dazai ran toward the tray of cookies.

"Oi, waste of bandages! Quit lazing around and have some of these amazing cookies Naomi spent her time making." Kunikida says, taking a bite of one of the six cookies he had in his hands.

"I'm not really hungry. I think I'm gonna head home." Dazai replies, getting up from the desk.

Everyone looks at Dazai in confusion as he closes the door.

"What was that about?" Atsushi says.

"Who knows." Kunikida replies, eating another one of his cookies.

As Dazai walked, he thought about his old partner.

Why do I feel like this? Chuuya is no longer apart of my life.

While he was walking, he noticed the old bar Chuuya and him used to go to. It is decorated in it's usual festive Christmas lights.

That place is still open on Christmas?

He walks toward the bar, staring at the entrance.

Flashback

After a long day at work, Dazai and Chuuya walk together, complaining about working on a holiday.

Chuuya then notices an old bar lit up with lights. "Hey, suicidal maniac." Chuuya says, pointing toward the bar.

Dazai looks and admires the very festive bar. "Wow! That place is open on Christmas day? Chuuya we should totally have a drink together! We deserve it at least."

"Tch, fine." Chuuya says, heading inside the bar with Dazai.

End of Flashback

Dazai reluctantly opens the doors and heads inside the bar.

As he sits down, he notices the familiar bartender.

"Wow, haven't seen you in years Dazai! Where's your usual partner in crime?"

"Oh he's long gone." Dazai replies.

"Oh, well the usual then?"

"Yeah." Dazai replies.

After he receives his drink he takes a drink and smiles.

Just as good as it used to be. He thought.

He hears the bell on top the entrance door ring.

He glances toward the entrance and sees him, his hair still orange as ever.

Chuuya Nakahara.

"Oh god." Dazai says to himself.

Dazai quickly opens his wallet and places his money next to the drink he never finished.

"I gotta go. Oh and please don't tell him I was here." Dazai tells the bartender as he heads in the crowd and waits for Chuuya to leave the entrance.

The confused bartender takes the money and nods, noticing Chuuya.

After all this time, he still comes here.
Dazai thought as he quickly exited the bar.