dear self | soukoku

29 | unbearable pain

- Dazai's POV -

I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe. My entire body throbbed in pain. I tried to move but it was utterly pointless. I felt completely trapped.

"My, my what a great job you've done Alexander." I heard Ivan say.

"Wh-what is this?!" I struggled to ask.

"This, my bandaged friend, is the great power of Alexander. You see, he has the ability to give anyone a deadly virus if their wounds are exposed." Ivan said with his disturbing grin. Alexander snickered.

Ability? If it's an ability, then why isn't no longer human activating?

"You may be asking yourself: Why isn't my ability working?!" Do you want me to tell you why?" Ivan said, coming closer to Chuuya and me.

"Well, I'm just going to leave it to your imagination. Alexander, if you will." Alexander came closer. He pulled out his gun and positioned it right above my head.

"Don't move." He said. "Heh. It's...not like...I could if I...wanted to." I managed to say. He kicked me in the stomach. I coughed up blood.

The ground started to shake. Ivan's rock structure had returned, smaller than before. Chuuya must have took a toll on him.

In a matter of seconds, Chuuya was gone. Ivan had taken him with his ability. "I'm taking your friend with me. Farewell." Ivan said.

"N-no! Wait!" I tried to move, but my body refused.

"How pitiful." Ivan said, as he disappeared with Chuuya.

"N-no..." The unbearable pain did not leave.

I am truly pitiful. I'm absolutely worthless. I let them take him away. They took away my reason to continue living on. It's my fault he's gone.

"Chuuya....I'm sorry." I said to myself. "I'm sorry...I-I couldn't protect you."

//

It felt like an eternity had passed. My thoughts became more dark by the second.

Is this it? Am I going to die here? Is Chuuya going to die because of my uselessness? Maybe I should die. Chuuya doesn't deserve me.

"I'm sorry Chuuya. I am absolutely pathetic." I said out loud to myself.

"I'm sorry..." I began.

I soon realized that the pain was fading away. I could move once again.

I was in shock. The virus should have killed me, right? After much thought, I came to a conclusion.

My ability had no affect on the virus because the virus was so intense. No longer human took longer to nullify such an extreme ability that took a toll on my body.

I slowly stood myself up and slowly headed to the direction Chuuya was taken.

I was grateful. I had gotten a second chance to save my light.

"I promise I will save you this time Chuuya. I promise." I said to myself.