Broken Dreams (Buckin)

•17•

It was almost night and I still didn't know how Jonny was.

I went on my phone again like almost every ten minutes to find out if there were any news about  the accident or if anyone had messaged me. Still nothing. I had even tried to call the airline earlier. But they said they couldn't give me any information.

I looked around the dark room, wondering if I should attempt to sleep. But it was not like there was any chance I'd be able to sleep anyway. Not while I didn't know if Jonny was okay. I thought of my bandmates who were on the plane right now, on their way here. I just wanted to talk to someone, but obviously I couldn't call them while they were flying. I felt more miserable than ever, sitting here waiting to find out if my best friend was okay.

Maybe I should go outside instead. Try to clear my mind. Perhaps the cold night air would help me distract myself. I stepped into the garden, looking up at the dark sky. Usually the stars calmed me down and made me feel at home, but all meaning they seemed to hold now caused me pain. They reminded me of Jonny. And all of the many times I used to look at them in despair, thinking I had arrived at my lowest but in truth things weren't anywhere close to as they were now. Back then at least I had known that Jonny was okay, and that was all that really mattered to me now. I didn't even care anymore if he loved me or not. I just wanted to see him, and know that he wasn't hurt.

I was about to sit down in the grass when I suddenly heard my phone ringing from the inside. I ran inside, my heart racing. It had to be any news about Jonny. I started to feel sick. In only a few seconds I'd know if he was okay.

I answered the phone without even looking at who was calling. 

Hearing Jane's familiar voice took me by surprise.

"Jane??", I asked, still breathing hard. 

"Hi Chris. I just heard about the plane crash... Is everything alright? Do you know where Jonny is?"

It surprised me again and again how much Jane still genuinely cared. She was taking the whole "staying friends" thing very serious.

"We don't know anything yet, apart from the fact that it was Jonny's plane that crashed. I've been waiting all day to find out if he's okay and the rest of the band is on their way here, but we still didn't get any information..."

I almost broke down in tears again but I didn't want Jane to have to deal with the mess I was.

***

After a few minutes I put my phone down again. I couldn't take this anymore, not knowing how Jonny was. Just as I was about to go back outside my phone started ringing again.

"Hello Chris."

It was our band management. I instantly started to feel sick again. For sure they had news about Jon. 

"You already know about the plane crash, don't you?"

"Yes.", I replied with a lump in my throat.

"We just got news about Jonny. Obviously he's injured and they brought him to a hospital close to LA. I'll give you the address."

I sighed in relief for a moment. He was alive. Injured, but alive.

"How bad is it? Will he be okay??"

"Sorry Chris but they didn't give us any further information. I'll call you again as soon as we know anything else."

I imagined Jonny in a hospital bed and I instantly felt sick again. He didn't deserve anything like this happening to him. If anyone deserved it it was me. Why hadn't I even flown over to London instead of him coming here in first place? If it wasn't for me he would be perfectly fine right now. It was all my fault. As always, because all I ever did was mess things up.

I felt my eyes filling with tears again and my vision got blurry, but I took a deep breath and blinked them away instead this time. I had to get to Jonny.