Broken Dreams (Buckin)

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Two hours later I unlocked the door to my empty house. It wasn't particularly huge, but still big enough for you to feel lonely and lost if you were living in it alone. By now I should have been used to it but recently I hadn't spent too much time in my flat as I've always been in company of my bandmates or other friends. The rest of the band had already left a few days ago but Jonny had stayed longer for his last appointment at the hospital. Even though I obviously loved playing with the whole band I couldn't deny that these last couple of days of Jon and me playing together all day had been more than amazing. Which of course made it even harder that he was leaving now, but I knew he didn't have any other choice even if he had wanted to stay.

I walked around the room, eventually sitting down on the sofa where Jonny had sat just a few hours ago. I could still picture his beautiful body next to me, the most perfect smile in the world on his face. Even though I had known he would leave really soon I had felt so happy being next to him, laughing and joking like we had done since we had been college students. He had only been gone for a few hours but I missed him so much already, I had not idea how I was gonna survive the next five weeks.

I missed his laugh and beautiful guitar playing filling up the room. I considered working on the song we had come up with yesterday but I knew without Jonny it would miss something. It wasn't the same without him around. But as I had nothing better to do anyway I picked up my acoustic guitar that was still leaning against the sofa where I had left it this morning and tried playing the riff Jon had showed me this morning. I was supposed to be writing some lyrics for the song but now my mind that was usually always buzzing with ideas just seemed blank. I closed my eyes and imagined the riff the way Jonny had played it for me just a few hours ago. He had a way of making every song sound magical with his guitar playing. My eyes were filling up with tears at the thought that I wouldn't witness his guitar skills again for at least a few weeks. But more than anything I missed just having him around, I could never feel low when I was with him. Whereas now all I felt was emptiness. It was weird how one person could determine whether you like the happiest person in the world or completely lost and incomplete just by being there or not being there. 

In an desperate attempt to distract myself I decided to turn on the TV but I still couldn't help thinking of Jonny. I didn't hold the tears back anymore, they were streaming down all over my face now. My vision was so blurred from crying that I could hardly see the pictures flashing over the TV screen but it was not like I was taking any of it in anyway. 

Would this ever get better? Or would missing him hurt like this every single day until I saw him again? Those few hours already had seemed unbearable, I had no idea how I could go on without him.

Just when I was about to break out in tears again I heard a noise outside. I quickly switched the TV off and tried to listen for anything else. First I thought it was just in my imagination or what I had heard was just some animal but seconds later I heard another sound. It was closer this time and I could tell it was coming from a person. Who would come to my house at this time? I felt slightly uneasy, though it would be more than unusual for paparazzi to pass by my house at this time you never knew. I made my way towards the window to look outside but before I could reach it the loud ringing of the door echoed through the quiet room. Within a few steps I arrived at the door and swung it open. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw who the nightly visitor was.