Broken Dreams (Buckin)

•18•

"Shit how does this even work?", I mumbled while I was trying to put the address of the hospital into the navigation app on my phone.

Admittedly, I wasn't the best at navigating. And I also wasn't the biggest fan of going by car, but obviously I couldn't get to Jonny by bike.

So I somehow had to get that damned app to work.

A few minutes later I finally placed my phone in the mounting on the front window that was made for it, hoping it would lead me the right way. Good thing it was the middle of the night, meaning there was not as much traffic as usual.

A little more than an hour later I finally arrived at what seemed to be my destination. I stopped my car at the parking lot for visitors, hoping it was even allowed to be here at this time. It's not like anyone had told me anything.

But as soon as I opened the front door I started to understand why. People were buzzing around everywhere, and the two women at the reception seemed to have an intense discussion going on. This must have been where they had brought all victims of the accident, and everyone seemed terribly overtaxed with it. No surprise they couldn't put much time into informing relatives.

I looked around a bit helplessly, not sure if I should interrupt the two receptionists. But after a little while the decision was taken from me as the blond woman on the right noticed me. She was much taller than her colleague and she looked very tired with her dark rings underneath her eyes. I felt kind of bad for bothering her, but most of all I wanted to see Jonny.

"Hello, can I help you?", I heard her saying.

I took a few steps closer. Everything felt so unreal, and not just because it was in the middle of the night and I was lacking sleep. My mind still hadn't fully processed the thought that Jonny was in a hospital, possibly severely injured.

"Umm yeah... Sorry to interrupt you."

What was I even gonna say? My mind didn't seem to be able to produce a coherent sentence.

"I'm searching for my friend - he was involved in the plane crash and I was told I'd find him hear.", I stuttered. "His name is Jonathan Mark Buckland."

My heart ached as I said Jonny's name out loud. I could have broken down in tears once again right here at the hospital reception.

"Wait a second."

The lady started typing something in her computer.

"Yes, he's here..."

"Is he alright? Can I see him??"

"I'm sorry sir, but we don't allow visitors at this time. You will have to come again in the morning."

"But can you at least tell me how he is?"

"I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to give you information about that either."

I was on the verge to breaking down. The receptionist must have noticed that because her tired and annoyed look changed into one of pity.

"I'm really sorry that I can't help you, but we're terribly busy at the moment as you can probably imagine. But you can see him right when the visiting hours start."

"Okay, thankyou."

I walked out of the hospital as fast as possible. As soon as I had reached the parking lot I felt myself breaking down onto the cold asphalt, sobbing and crying. I didn't even care anymore. I just wanted to know that Jon was alright. But here I was in front of the hospital he was inside, not able to do one single thing to help him. Not even able to see him and tell him that I'm there for him. I had failed. As a friend, as a person. All I ever did was fail.

I lifted my head a little, noticing the area around me. I wondered if anyone would find me here, sitting on the ground of a parking lot like a complete loser. Everything looked so weird and blurry through my teary eyes and with the artificial lights. Probably I should have gotten into my car and driven home or at least sat in my car instead. But I found myself unable to move or think, unable to do anything really. All I could do was stare at the flickering street lights with an empty gaze.

A/N: Ahh I really miss writing. The reason why I'm not updating so regularly is that I'm pretty busy studying for my exams, and also I only like to write when I'm in a writing-mood. Sorry that there's hardly anything happening in my chapters but that's just sorta how it comes out of me?? Idk I don't really think when I'm writing, I just have the overall plot in my head but the rest kinda just happens. Anyway, I have no idea why I'm even writing this, I hope you're all doing great<3