Broken Dreams (Buckin)

•27•

I turned around in my bed as the first few rays of sunshine started to come in through my window. After a few seconds I tried to recall how I even ended up in there. My lips instantly formed into a big grin once I remembered everything that had happened yesterday again. Jonny and me must somehow have gotten into my house again after our time at the beach.

I slowly opened up my eyes, blinking a few times in order to get used to the bright California morning. Expecting to find Jon next to me I turned my gaze to the other side of my bed, but there was no sign of him. 

"He must have slept on the couch...", I thought to myself though expecting we would have gotten into bed together last night. "Or maybe he has just gotten up already."

I quickly splashed some water into my face while looking at myself into the mirror before I made my way towards the living room. Still no sign of Jonny. Neither in the kitchen. Where could he be?

"Jonny?!", I called.

No answer.

Why would he have left the house?

I walked through the living room, inspecting the things laying around in there. There was the book I was reading at the moment, and a few used paper tissues. Had I left them there before Jon had arrived?

I tried recalling the events of the last day in their chronological order. I remembered sitting on the sofa, unable to concentrate on the TV program. Then slowly it dawned to me. Shit.... could it be possible that I had only dreamed all this? No. No it couldn't be. It had felt way too real. No no no no no.

I was starting to panic when the ringing of my phone suddenly made me jump.

I quickly picked it up and took a look at the caller ID before answering. Jonny.

"Hi Jon!", I stuttered hurriedly, still very much confused about yesterday's events.

"Hey Chris! I just wanted to let you know that I arrived safely. Will is gonna pick me up from the airport in a few minutes."

Shit shit shit. It had all been a dream. All my dreams and hopes that had suddenly seemed to become true, all shattered again. 

"Chris? Are you alright?", Jonny asked since I had been too paralyzed to bring out any sound for a few seconds.

"Yeah, yeah sure. I just- sorry. That's great, I'm so glad you're alright Jonny.", I said sincerely, even though I of course wished he was here. "How was the flight?"

"It was good. I met one fan who recognized me, he was really nice though and only asked for a photo. I slept most of the time actually."

I imagined the smile he must have had on his face while he was talking to me, wishing I could see him, have him next to me. It was killing me, especially after last night's dream.

"I will never get how you can sleep on planes!", I laughed, hoping Jonny wouldn't be able to notice the tears forming in my eyes through my voice.

"Well there's not much else to do on there is it?"

Jonny joined me in giggling but his voice got serious again seconds later.

"Are you alright Chris?"

"Sure, why?", I lied.

"I just thought you sounded a bit off... But maybe it's just in my head."

"Oh don't worry I'm just a bit tired."

I didn't like lying to Jonny but I felt ashamed to admit how much I missed him. 

"Okay... But just know that you can always tell me anything, even if I can't be here physically, alright?"

"Thank you Jay, I know you are and I really appreciate it. You're the best friend anyone could ever imagine."

Somehow I could tell through the phone how Jonny was blushing terribly, he was just too freaking adorable and humble.

"Nah, I'm just doing what anyone would do.", he shrugged it off.

"No you're not, you're someone special Jon."

"We both know you're the one who's special!"

The worst thing about Jonny's humbleness was that he didn't just say that because he wanted to be modest, he actually really didn't believe that he was special. Which of course wasn't true, anyone who had a brain could tell how amazing he was.

Jonny and me could have gone on with our little game of me complimenting him and him not believing me forever but we were interrupted since Will had obviously arrived at the airport.

"Oh sorry Chris, Will's here, I gotta go. It was really nice talking to you, I'll call you again later alright?"

"Sure, don't worry."

"And please let me know if something's wrong, yeah?"

God, he was so adorable. He just genuinely cared so much. It hurt me so much to keep anything a secret from him but I just couldn't tell him this.

"I will, thank you Jonnboy."

We said goodbye to each other and once he had hung up I finally let it all go. Dropping my phone somewhere I didn't really care where it was I sunk down onto the floor, starting to sob again like I had obviously done all of last night unlike in my dream. It felt like he had just broken my heart, even though the Jonny who had ever loved me that way obviously had only been in my dream. Part of me just couldn't believe he had really left me, thousands of miles away and weeks until I would see him again. But that was just egoistic and unfair, of course I couldn't blame him. I knew how much he had wanted to stay, he just didn't have any other choice. Yet somehow it felt like nobody wanted me, my ex-girlfriend had left me long ago, not that I really had had feelings for her but still. And Jonny was in England again just like pretty much all other of my friends. The only thing that still kept me here were my kids and knowing I couldn't just suddenly move to London full-time again like this. But it wasn't really a surprise, after all all I was ever being to anyone was a burden, the way I always complained like a fucking crybaby and seemed to keep making up new problems.

A/N: Sorry.