Unpredictable | Luke Hemmings & Calum Hood. (Cake/5SOS)

Chapter 22

It seems like all day, all I've been doing is crying in this car. I feel emotionally drained and I don't know where to go from here. I don't know what's going to happen, I don't know what's next for me, and all these thoughts of the unknown are beginning to frighten me.

Maybe I shouldn't have broken up with Vanessa. Maybe I should've walked her into the airport like a good boyfriend. Maybe. Just maybe. As minutes go by, I begin to process all these maybe's about Vanessa and quickly shake my head at the thoughts. Vanessa doesn't deserve anything more than what she got. She doesn't deserve my guilt. She cheated on me with the one person I thought was everything to me. I valued Charlie's friendship and acceptance more than anything. We were best friends. I thought he was different. Well, different around me.

There I sit in the parking lot of an airport, slowly crying at how fucked up everything's become. To others, I probably look as if I'm crying because I just watched my girlfriend leave. It probably looks like I'm heart broken. Oh, how that representation of me right now couldn't be more wrong. Yes, I do feel heartbroken, but not just at Vanessa for cheating, but mostly at the fact it was Charlie she was cheating on me with. Charlie couldn't stand Vanessa. He hated the girl's guts more than anyone. And that's when it all snapped in my head. He did it to get back at me. Charlie did this because I could never admit to anything we shared, and instead of saying goodbye and putting a stop to whatever we had, I left. I came here. Back then, Amsterdam seemed like an escape for my fucked up life. It seemed like a chance for me to actually feel normal for once. To possess normal feelings and not hate myself for the abnormal things I feel.

My crying becomes heavy. Tears are falling from my eyes faster. I just want everything to subside and be calm for once, but I know that won't happen. It can't happen. My life is never capable of sustaining calm.

"Wait 'till your mother finds out about Vanessa. Oh, your life will sure as hell not be calm," my mind throws in, adding to the load.

I cry more. My fucking mother's opinion is irrelevant.

My mother is going to have a fit when she finds out. She'll try to talk me into getting back together with her, but I'm not having that. I will never fucking have that. No matter how much it hurts me to see my mother hurt, I will refuse to get back with Vanessa for her sake. What I did is already done and I refuse to take back Vanessa. I refuse to fake our entire relationship again. Going around acting like it's perfect, like we're perfectly in love. If we were perfectly in love, we wouldn't have cheated on each other multiple times. To me, it always seemed like when I cheated on her, she would always try to up her score. Try to raise the bar. Try to cheat on me with someone she knew would get to me. Charlie isn't the first of my friends from California she's slept with, but I'd be lying to say it didn't hurt the most. She's finally won. I cry harder while laughing at the thought. Vanessa wins.

My phone begins to ring and I try to make out the name on the screen through my teary eyes. I'm not completely sure with my blurred vision, but the name that comes across is Luke.

In that moment, I think my mind is playing tricks with me. It can't possibly be Luke calling me. He hates me. Everyone hates me. Vanessa hates me, my mom is on the verge of hating me, and my dad will most likely hate me as well. The list could go on for hours. I don't want Luke to be a part of that list. I don't want him to hate me. I want something far from hate.

"He'll never love you. He isn't capable of feeling love," my mind reminds me.

The argument we had earlier replays in my mind to contradict what my mind is telling me.

"You know what sucks about all of this bullshit, Calum? That within just a few amount of days, you've grown on me. In more ways than one. I thought you were different. You know what hurts the most? That I actually fucking genuinely care about you."