lost boy // awsten knight au

chapter sixteen

in a few short hours he was awake, I was obviously not allowed back to see him but his parents updated me once they went back to see him and talked with the doctors.

ace was on drugs.

not just the kind he had told me about that one night.

my boyfriend was a drug addict.

my brain lingered to the memory of awsten smoking something outside of the club but I pushed the thought out of my head.

his mom was in tears and his dad just looked disappointed, my parents were on their way after hearing he had woken up but honestly I did not want them there right now.

"they're fairly positive it was an accident though, he will be completely okay and he wasn't meaning to, you know.." his mom told me before grabbing me and embracing me.

I let her stay like that for a few minutes before a nurse came over and requested her for something.

next his dad came up to me, "I'm sorry you have to deal with this," he said, "I don't expect you to really be with him through this but I hope you guys will be able to pull through once this has all blown over." he pats me on the back and walks over to join ace's mom where he rubs her neck the same way ace does to me.

I sit back down and rest my head in my hands. my head was absolutely killing me.

my parents soon came and were comforting ace's parents for a few minutes before coming over to me.

they're over reacting and I just really want to be left to myself right now so I leave without saying anything, I walk right past them and out the doors and eventually make it to the parking lot where I go to my car and just sit.

of course something would happen.

I was still going to break up with him, even though this had happened, it does kind of give a reasonable reason to break up for everyone else.

I was just going to tell him and lightly explain everything, maybe hug him one last time, and then leave.

then be done.

I was so close.

I take some motrin and spend a few more minutes in my car.

I don't know if I should've taken it upon myself to do this or not but I call steven, he is ace's best friend.

I haven't talked to any of the band guys since telling them but it didn't stop steven from answering.

I quickly explained what happened and told him where he was in case he wanted to come out but he wouldn't be able to see them.

before he can respond I hang up.

I brace myself and go back into the building

•••

I am allowed to see him the next day, we weren't alone at first but after a good 10 minutes we were.

"so." he says.

"so." I say.

"I don't know what I was doing." he said.

"do you want the honest truth right now?" I ask.

"I feel like I know where this is heading, I won't give up on us but please continue." he says making me feel even worse than I already did.

"I was going to break up with you today anyways," I say turning to look out the window, "this didn't change it." I start.

"I had seen it coming, I was waiting and working up my fight for it, I was going to fight for you and our love."

"we're going to?" I ask.

"yes, was. I can't drag you into this maisie. I just can't do it. I'm not going to talk to you about it either." he says.

"so this is mutual, do you want me to explain more?" I ask.

"not really, I have enough on my mind right now. I wasn't trying to kill myself just so you know." he says.

"I already knew. that's not like you." I say finally turning to him.

"will you at least stay a little longer? I don't want you to explain because I kind of already know, I'm not giving up on us though. I'm not sure what's going to happen next." he tells me.

"yeah for sure, I'll tell my parents tonight, you tell yours whenever." I say.

"thank you for calling steven by the way." he tells me.

"yeah no problem, how'd he react though?" I ask, actually wondering.

"he was just so scared that it was scaring me again." is all he says, I know he doesn't want to expand on it or explain so I don't bother asking.

we get interrupted by a nurse and even though he wanted me stay I knew it was time for me to leave.

•••

I didn't go to school that last day, I stayed home all day after getting back from the hospital.

I stayed in my room all day the next day, and all weekend.

awsten had been blowing up my phone because I hadn't responded to anything. he apologized multiple times for it saying he knew I wanted to be alone but he really wanted to at least hear something.

he asked if I was okay more times than ace had in our entire relationship and I honestly couldn't handle it.

everything was really getting to me and I couldn't handle anything right now.

I knew that I would be okay afterwards.