Thirty Nine

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January 8th

I was allowed to leave the hospital sometime in afternoon.
Jin Hyuk barely left my side ever since Kim Jong Kook left two nights ago.
Looking exhausted, Jin Hyuk faithfully remained quiet, for he knew that i didnt feel like talking to anyone. Even to my own grandfather.
He looked softened at the sight of me when he came to visit me right before i was discharged.
I barely had a good rest, and barely eaten anything. Jin Hyuk were beginning to start looking very worried when i refused to eat anything by the time we reached home. But he remained quiet.
He most probably was expecting me to get to my bed straightaway but the moment he saw me taking out the luggage from under my bed which i put away earlier on, Jin Hyuk looked angry.
"What are you doing?" He asked.
I opened wardrobe, grabbed all the clothes i could grab and dumped them on the bed.
"Packing," i replied shortly,"Unless you have already cancelled my ticket for tomorrow's flight?"
"No," he looked taken aback,"No i havent."
"Good. Then, leave. I need to start packing," i snapped.
"And what makes you think that i want you to come along when you're like this?" Jin Hyuk snapped back.
"Isnt that what you want?" I half shouted, feeling angry,"I thought that you want me to come along. That was why you booked the ticket in the first place, right?"
"In case you dont remember, i wanted you to come with me by your own free will," he bellowed,"Not because you have to."
"This is my own free fucking will," i bellowed louder,"Im not doing this because of heart break. Im not doing this because he left, for the second time. Im not doing this because he had failed to man up after he got smashed into pulps by a bunch of gorillas. Im not doing this because of the pain that i had to endure, which seems worthless."
And without myself realising it, i was already on the floor, sobbing hard.
Jin Hyuk was still standing by the door, watching me.
"I cant live like this. I cant live with a man who wouldnt stand up even for himself. I cant live with a man who couldnt even man up, not even for me," i cried out between my sobs.

It was only when i cried harder than i expected Jin Hyuk came to my side, as usual. Consoling me with his warm hug.
I didnt know how long we stayed that way, me in his arms. Neither of us seem wants to let go of each other.
"Thank you," i said, my voice croaked.
"Get some rest," Jin Hyuk said to me, helping me to get back to my feet.
Both our knees cracked and for the first time, after for so long, i burst out laughing.
Jin Hyuk looked surprised, the corner of his mouth twitched and i knew that he too wanted to laugh at the sound of our bones cracking.
"We're not getting any younger, you know, you & i," he said, shaking his head in disbelief.
"Yeah, but i hope its not too early for us to start having joints problem at this age," i said.
"Enough. Get some rest, please." He said firmly.
But the sight of the huge mess of my bed, he sighed heavily and ushered me out from the room.
He lead me to his room and said,"Sleep here."
"What about you?" I asked.
"You just made a mess in your room and i had no choice but to pack for you," Jin Hyuk sighed heavily,"You just gave me plenty of things to do."
Beneath his warm and sincere smile, he somehow looked reluctant. But it couldnt hide the dark shadows under his eyes and his wrinkles on his forehead were far more visible than before.
"No," i said quickly,"I dont want to be alone."
"Im not going to close the door," he said reassuringly.
"No, Jin Hyuk, please. Stay with me, at least until ive fallen asleep," i said to him,"At least i wont have any nightmares if you stay."

His expression softened but unreadable. We both climbed onto the bed and using his arm as my pillow, i had my back facing him.
True enough, just after Kim Jong Kook left, i began experiencing nightmares each time i closed my eyes. I couldnt get any sleep at all unless Jin Hyuk laid down next to me on the hospital bed. It was very uncomfortable and the nurse told him off, scolding him for doing so.
His arm was surprisingly my kryptonite and i felt drowsy almost immediately. I barely could process my thoughts and the last thing was on my mind was my disappointment to Kim Jong Kook, for leaving me.
Maybe ive made the right choice for wanting to come along with Jin Hyuk tomorrow.
There was absolutely no point for me to stay, just to be with a man who couldnt even stand up for himself.
I fell asleep with tears in my eyes.


I was shaken. My name was called. Jin Hyuk looked terrified, and i woke up, sweating.
Breathing heavily,"I had another nightmare."
"Yes, i can see that," he said, looking a little bit relieved,"You were screaming. I could hear your scream from your room."
"Im sorry," i said,"What time is it?"
"Just past midnight," he said, getting off the bed,"Hungry?"
"Not really," i said,"What were you doing in my room?"
"Packing. You said you wanted to pack and so i, packed for you," He replied, looking uncomfortable,"Its not too late to change your mind, you know."
"No. No. Im okay with it," i said, absent mindedly combed my hair using my fingers,"What are you going go do with this apartment after we leave? Are you going to put it on the market?"
He looked around, in thoughts and and shrugged after a while,"No idea. Havent thought of it yet."
"Just put it on the market then. Then you'll have yourself some extra money."
Jin Hyuk scoffed,"And come back living living with my big family? Nah. Not going to sell it. Are you sure you're not hungry?"
And that was it. End of topic. He went to the kitchen and came back with a tray of food and a foldable table. We ate our late dinner on the bed, since neither of us felt like wanting to leave the comforting warm bed.
I was going to eat my medications when Jin Hyuk came back in and laid down next to me.
"Exhausted?" I asked.
"Very," he said with his eyes close,"I guess we better get some sleep. Otherwise you & i wont be able to wake up in time later in the morning."
As soon as he switched off the lights, he dozed off almost immediately. I laid awake, staring at the ceiling blankly.
2.30 a.m. 4.30 a.m.

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