Undeniably Yours

6: Chances

*****

After settling the thing with school,  he quickly went to Hakase's place.
Hakase was rummaging the mails when he arrived.

"Oh Shinichi! What are you doing here?"

He shook his head, and inspected some letters. Many were just advertisement letters, some were invitations to conventions,  and very few were personal. But a certain letter had caught his sight.

"Hakase... this." He held the letter in his hands. It was a very plain one,  its envelope was black,  and odd as it may seem,  there was no return address.

Could it be...?

Hakase took the envelope and slowly ripped it open. He pulled out a plain paper that gives a faint scent of strawberry. He gripped the letter tightly, and Shinichi watched as Hakase's face showed a melancholic smile. He wanted to read the letter too,  if that was really from her.  But he does not have the right to. The letter was addressed to the professor alone,  and it would be rude to read it as well without approval.

"Hakase...? Is it from her?" he reluctantly asked,  waiting eagerly for him to speak of its content. 

The professor wipe little streaks of tears from the corner of his eyes before he turned to him. He nodded, and a pang of relief flooded in his chest. 

At least she didn't lose contact.

He looked at the letter that was still in Hakase's grasp.

"What did she say?"

The professor returned the letter to its envelope first before replying.

"She said that she is well, and that she is in a good place."

Shinichi's detective instincts quirked at what he heard.

"She didn't tell where? Can I read it?"

As long as he said it,  the professor's eyes seem guarded. He looked at him for several seconds,  sighed  and said,  "Sorry Shinichi, Ai-kun doesn't want you to see the letter."

An unexplainable heavy feeling flooded in his chest as soon as he heard the professor's answer.

"B-but why?"

"Let's just say that she does not want you snooping around. She is on a search to find herself Shinichi."

"A search for herself? How is that? "

"Ai-kuns life revolves around the organization. When the organization was defeated,  her life focused on the making of the antidote. Now that she had made it, maybe she was lacking purpose on her life."

"But why did she leave? She can find her place here! This is her home!" His voice was evident of frustration. 

Hakase looked at him thoughtfully.

It was not just that, Shinichi. She was sparing herself from the immeasurable pain of seeing you go back to Ran-kun.

"Hakase,  let me read the letter please. There would definitely be a clue in there!"

"No!" The professor's tone startled him a bit. The professor gave him a knowing look before sighing.

"Shinichi, if you push your way to her, than maybe you can find her. But what will you do when you find her? "

"Bring her home,  of course! That's also what you want, right,  Hakase? 

"That's the thing,  Shinichi. Ai-kun definitely knows there's a place she can go back to. She will return once she find what she is searching for. What do you think will happen if we force her to go back here? "

Shinichi contemplated a bit.
"Well,  this is Haibara we're talking about. She will definitely leave again,  and maybe will lose all ways of contact."

"Exactly. So i am fine with this. At least she sends a letter. It is a guarantee that she did not abandon us. We will see her in the right time Shinichi."

Shinichi sighed in defeat. The professor has a point. 

"If you say so." He answered in a low voice.

But why didn't she send me a letter too or just let me read her letter to Hakase?  I just wanted to hear from her.

Again, he let out a sigh of frustration.

"I'm going home then Hakase."

The professor looked at him as he reluctantly answered.  "Okay Shinichi."

*****

As soon as the young detective left, Hakase stared at the letter again. His mind remembered her exact words.

Hakase,

It's me, Haibara. Sorry for leaving without saying goodbye. I know that you will definitely be against me leaving so I left unnoticed. Don't worry,  I am well.

Hakase, i know you want me to go home. But I am finding it hard to. When I completed the antidote, I know that my time is definitely up. I need to go back to being Miyano Shiho,  and she definitely did not exist in your life. She doesn't have any connection with you. You don't know her,  and she don't know you as well. I know you'll disagree. But I feel like I'm lacking purpose. All my life revolved around the organization and the drug. And now that they're both gone, I feel lost. 
I wanted to search for myself first.

Please tell Kudo-kun to stop searching for me. He doesn't know any Miyano Shiho as well. It will definitely create an issue if her girlfriend finds out he's searching for another girl. Make him give up, will you,  Hakase?  I know you have an idea why I wanted to avoid Kudo. You know,  right? But that doesn't matter. My feelings don't matter. I was the one who put Kudo-kun to this predicament, I will also take responsibility on bringing it all back to order. I will bring him back to her. So I am asking you not to tell him anything about me. He does not deserve to know a criminal scientist like me. Knowing him,  he will just want everything to go the way he wants. He's stubborn that way. So please...

I will find a way to write to you again,  Hakase.

P. S. Please don't forget your diet. I will surely know if you eat something unhealthy.

*****

Hakase can't help but smile at her letter. The P. S. part definitely made him let out a small chuckle.

But he knows,  her letter was full of sadness. He can feel it. She was still belittling herself,  brandishing her own hands as the hands of a criminal. She's not seeing her worth,  and he hates that part of her. He was hurting in place of her. She has feelings for Shinichi,  he knows that too. He noticed it whenever she was together with the young detective. She looks different when she's with him. And he can't help but feel pity for her,  for he knew that she knew Shinichi was with Ran-kun. But seeing Shinichi's attitude towards the loss of her, he is not so sure anymore.

You might still have a chance,  Ai-kun. Just allow yourself to have that chance.