Developed Love || Auston Matthews (Completed)

Chapter 31

I woke up at 2 in the afternoon with a splitting headache and an upset stomach. My curtains were open maybe an inch but the light was bugging me so I got up and shut them.

Me
"Please bring me a quarter pounder with cheese meal with bacon on it and like 89 cool blue gatorades please."
"Oh, and a junior chicken and a bacon McDouble. Upsize the fries."

Stephy💝
"Give me 20 minutes hun"

I got in the shower and turned up the heat really high, to the point where I could have been burning in hell. I groaned when I realized just how much food I asked Steph to get me. But considering that's all I'll be eating today, it'll be like 2500 calories and by tomorrow I'll be back on my grind. I know, I'm going through a hard time but I care about my body and I've been abusing it lately. It deserves fresh healthy food and no alcohol but that's not what I've been doing.

When I got out of the shower I put on a pair of pink leopard Nike pros and a white sports bra. I put my hair up in a bun and laid in bed with bones on, that being the only source of light in my room. And I waited for Steph to come back with my food.

She came in with 2 bags full of cool blue Gatorade and two bags of McDonald's. She got in bed with me and we watched bones and ate McDonald's together. She didn't say anything to me. She didn't lecture me on my destructive behaviour either. I was surprised by that.

I showed her my tattoo and she loved it maybe even more than I did.

After eating all of that food I felt like I was going to throw up, but instead I just fell asleep in my bed. Steph left a little earlier to go hang out with Mitch but that's only because I insisted on her going.

Whenever I was sad I had these weird dreams, they were so vivid but at the same time they were in black and white. They were never nice dreams, they always had something scary happening in them, like murder or ghosts or being at the fair and someone flying off of a ride and dying. They were terribly scary, but every single time I was sad, I had dreams like these.

This time it was a tsunami, I was on vacation somewhere beautiful and tropical. I was all alone on the beach, trying to find someone, anyone, but there wasn't a soul around. And I could see why. There in the middle of the ocean, was the most ginormous wave I have ever seen in my life, racing towards the shore. I didn't know what to do, so I just stood there, watching it, in all its glory and greatness. Just before it was about to hit me and the island, it stopped. The ginormous wall of water just waited there, and then proceeded to retreat back to the ocean. Not creating a mess or destroying everything.

It was weird, the dream was almost representative of my life right now, except for the part that the disaster didn't strike in my dream, but in my life it did.

I woke up from my dream breathless and in a cold sweat, I looked around and it was 12, midnight. But I didn't feel tired.

I put on a sweater over my sports bra and walked outside onto our balcony. Much like the night that Auston was here to comfort me, it was thundershowering.

I began to cry, not only from the heartbreak, but from the fact that he wasn't here this time to save me, to take the pain away. No, this time he was the reason for my pain, he was the reason for this all.

I thought I had cried all of my tears but it turns out I was wrong, because I cried even more and even harder than before. I wanted to die but at the same time I just wanted to be alive and happy with Auston. I needed him to live, he was like my air.

Suddenly I felt a pair of thick arms wrap around me and hold me tightly, squeezing me and rubbing my arms.

Auston.

What was he doing here?

Instead of questioning him, I just cried even more, but I let him hold me, I let him try to comfort me.

"This is like how it was before." I managed to get out in between sobs.

"Shh" Auston hushed me, slowly pulling me back inside the apartment where it was warm.

We stood in the middle of the living room, for what seemed like an eternity. We were both crying, we were just standing there, hugging each other. Our bodies were so close but it seemed so foreign. It was like he was different after knowing what he did with Emily. His body was the exact same body it was before I left for Calgary, but now it seemed so different.

Auston in general just didn't seem like Auston to me. He didn't change a bit, he was the same guy now as he was when I left, the only thing that's different is that he touched her and she touched him in ways that I wish I didn't know.

This entire situation reminded me so much of the song love, by daughter. It's a beautiful and emotional song, and right now it explains my emotions so perfectly. The lyrics were running through my mind.

The hug we were in was eventually broken, we couldn't hug forever. The tears were still streaming down both of our faces, I felt so broken, as if I were a porcelain doll that's been thrown across the room.

"What do I do to fix this (Y/N)?" Auston asked me, his voice was hoarse

I looked at him and shrugged my shoulders. It's not my job to figure out how to fix his mistake for him.

"I guess I should start it out with saying that I am so sorry." He admitted he was sorry, so quietly.

How was I supposed to know if he really was sorry or if he was just saying that. Why would he be sorry anyways? He admitted the sex was so good he didn't think of me once. He could be sorry, but maybe he isn't fully sorry.

"I need to know everything before I can accept an apology." I cried some more, my lips pouting out as I talked.

Auston pondered the idea, then finally let out a big sigh and began his story.