Found it! [ girlxgirl ]

|ONE|

It was scary, I won't even try to deny it. The first six months in America were definitely a challenge. When I moved here I was 22 years. After finishing my bachelor degree in Computer Engineering, in Italy (yes, I'm Italian), I decided to expand my education with a master's degree in Computer Science in the University of New Hampshire.

I wanted to study and work in a different country. I wanted to stay away from home, for some reason that I am still trying to figure out. I wasn't running away from anything. It may seem like it, but I wasn't. My life was nearly perfect, actually. The only problem was that there was something missing, and I always felt like I wouldn't find it in Italy.

So, I wasn't running away from something, I was running towards something...hopefully!

My relationships with my family and friends were great and that made my decision a thousand times harder, but one thing they all knew about me was that once I set my mind on something, there's no way to stop me. So, in the summer of 2016 I was packing my things, booking my plane ticket, booking a hotel room for the first week or so and saying my see-you-soon's to the people I wanted to drag with me to America. Wait! Let me be honest: I didn't really want to have them here with me, because that wouldn't let me have the full abroad experience that I wanted to have. But I also didn't want to not have them here with me, because...who wants to be apart from their loved ones? No one, that's who.

Anyway...I moved to America in the middle of August. I spent two weeks in a hotel room until I could move into an amazing studio near the Southern New Hampshire University on the 1st of September.

When classes started, I was overwhelmed with everything. The city, the university, the teachers, the students, the classes...everything. Since I decided to take on this challenge, I had been so nervous, so anxious, so out of my mind because there was a constant fear of failure and regret on the back of my mind. What if I miss my family and friends so much that I will fly back home? What if classes are boring? What if the teachers are incompetent? What if I absolutely hate it? What if I regret my decision? If I have to give up what will everyone think of me? I never gave up. That's not me. But what if that's me, right now? See, my mind was basically like this 24/7. That is, until my first week of school, just like how it happened in high school and in college. My mind was at ease throughout the whole week. I really felt welcomed. I felt like I was in the right place. I felt like I had made the right decision.

That feeling continued till today. I love the university and I love the master I'm taking. But, like I said at the beginning, the first six months were a challenge. Although I was over the scary part after two weeks in the university, I was still being tested every now and then. Summarizing these troubled times: I missed my parents. I missed my best friends. My grandmother got very sick and I almost jumped on a plane to be there for her, and for my mother. My best friend got a boyfriend and I wished I could be there to "approve" him (or disapprove). My father got a cat for my mother on her birthday, that I missed. And...a couple more I'm sure. Keep in mind that it has only been six months and I'm still adjusting to this. What for you may seem to be little things, for me they were stressing little big situations. Some days, the distance was/is too much to bear and I feel like shit. Some days, I hardly remember how far I am because of the long Skype conversations I have every Sunday, with my parents and friends, to keep each other up to date on relevant and, most of the times, irrelevant things. I also made a couple good friends and we hang out a lot, which distracts me from negative and worrying thoughts. Sarah lives here and she has been the tour girl. Me and Richard are the tourists.

The truth is, time has passed by easily and I couldn't be happier. It hasn't been that long, but I can honestly say that I am starting to feel like I'm home.

Was this all that has been missing from my life? A different place and different people? Am I one of those people who needs to be on the move, constantly, to feel alive? Maybe. Maybe after the master I'll want to move somewhere else. Or maybe not. Maybe I'm still looking, or waiting, for whatever is missing in my life.

I'm lying in bed, staring out the out in front of me, and my mind is again racing although I'm only half awake. Too many questions and no answers.

Is it here? What I'mmissing, is it here in New Hampshire? I guess I still have a couple months tofigure that out...