Found it! [ girlxgirl ]

|TEN|

As usual, I spent part of my Sunday talking over Skype with my family and friends. When they asked me about my week, I wanted to tell them about Avery but I couldn't do it. I'm still figuring out what is happening so there's no rush in telling everyone about it. Sarah and Richard are enough people to constantly ask me about Avery.

The day is almost over and I'm trying to sleep, but my thoughts are stuck on yesterday. I barely talked to Avery today. She was busy with a family thing.

I remember us talking about the encounter at the diner. It happened almost two months ago, but we both remember it well.

It's not like it was one of those cliché moments where our eyes crossed, time froze and we immediately and irremediably fell in love with one another. But it was an important moment. It was the moment that our paths crossed and, for better or worse, it affected our lives. So, it was important and we ought to remember those moments.

Thanks to that particular and seemingly meaningless moment, we acknowledged each other existence and managed to get to know each other better after it. Thanks to that moment, we sat for a coffee and talked like two good friends. That's true to the both of us.

But for me, specifically, thanks to that moment, I learned something new about myself and for that I'll be forever grateful.

It's not like I can just thank her for it. I don't think it would go well for me to say "hey, thanks for helping me figuring out I'm not straight after all", don't you think? Either way, I'm just happy that we got to where we are. I don't want to think about anything else right now. I'll just keep working on building a good friendship with her. For me, that's the most important thing.

I don't force myself into romantic relationships. In fact, it takes time and effort to reach one. It happened like that with Mateo. We first became friends, although he made his intentions clear from the moment we met, only then we tried to make it work romantically (we failed, obviously).

Not that I'm saying that's where I'm aiming towards with Avery, but after some nights of heavy thinking, I've come to the conclusion that if that were to happen, I would be okay with it. More than okay, probably, but those are technicalities. I've only mentioned these feelings to Sarah and Richard because they know about her. I never told them I was bi, but I also never told them I was straight so there wasn't much to explain, really. I definitely did not mention it to any member of my family nor my friends. I couldn't tell them over Skype. What if the connection was lost? What if they would end the call on purpose? I wouldn't be able to see their reaction and I wouldn't be able to react accordingly. Too many uncontrollable variables. If I'm going to do it, it will be face to face. Besides, I don't want to think too much ahead.

This is the only thing I don't like to plan. Relationships. I prefer to let it happen. Whatever will be, will be, right?

Yes, I find Avery very attractive and I could spend hours talking with her without getting bored or tired. Yes, I blush when she makes me a compliment. And yes, sometimes I say flirty things, but you have to believe me here...It's not my intention, it's just slips my mouth. I think she likes it, though, and she says some flirty things too. I mean, I think she does. I might be interpreting this all wrong. I don't even know that she's interested in women or not.

Although I don't like to plan relationships, I like to plan pretty much everything else. Right now, I'm thinking about telling my parents and grandparents about my sexuality. I have to, at some point. I'm picturing dozen scenarios in my head where I casually tell them that I met someone that made me realize I might not be getting a husband after all. I see the shock on their faces. I see the confusing on my grandma face. I see them asking me a hundred questions and I also see them being quiet and unresponsive. I'm blinking fast so I close my eyes shut. I don't want to be afraid of this. I should be. But I am.

I bury my face on my pillow and I push these thoughts go away. It will be hard to fall asleep now.

----

Four days passed since I had coffee with Avery.

After classes, Richard and Sarah came to my place so we could help each other with our assignments. We worked hard, chugging coffee to give us energy to resist the urge to stop.

It's almost dinner time and I offer them some spaghetti alla bolognese. Since they're here, I'll take the opportunity to, once again, amaze them with my cooking skills. They love it. It's not the first time I cook for them. Actually, I think that's the reason we usually gather at my place and not theirs.

While I'm cooking dinner, with Richard's help, Sarah is playing DJ with Spotify. She's picking up some songs, and if the three of us says 'yes' then it'll play till the end. If at least one of us says 'no' she must choose a different one. It always takes too long to find a song that pleases all three of us, but it's great to know each other musical taste.

Since we're talking about music I bring Avery's invitation to the table. I had already told them about it when I described in great details my 'date' with her.

-"So...", I start, avoiding to look at them, "...about that Friday thing? You know, Avery's invitation to that bar..." I let the sentence drag off unfinished, hoping I was clear enough.

-"Yeah, we should go. Do you mind if Greg comes with us?" Sarah answers me quickly and I'm surprised by the lack of comments about Avery.

-"Please don't! I don't want to be the third wheel. Emma and Avery, you and Greg? I'm out." Richard stops stirring the sauce and turns to Sarah, crossing his arms.

I spoke too soon.

-"C'mon Richard, don't be silly. You like rock and it's 'Rock Night' at that bar. You'll like it." I try to convince him, but he keeps shaking his head. "Please! Avery is there with her friends, it's not like it's a date. Don't make ME be the third wheel to Sarah and Greg!"

He finally listened to my pleading voice and agreed to go with us. He mentioned asking Kaylah to go too, but that would still make a third wheel so I asked him not to. Besides, he needs to go on a one-on-one date with her first before double and triple dates.

-"I have an idea...", Sarah says, holding her chin high and both me and Richard mumble an 'uh-oh', "...Why don't we invite Kaylah, Daniel, and Oliver too? They usually meet us at Fitz so we would just be changing the scenery for one night."

It was actually a good idea. They are that kind of classmates that tag along sometimes, either for lunch or night-outs. They are nice and we get along great. We just don't hang out all the time. It's like there are two separate groups but we often get together and it's always pleasant. We even have a chat group with them where we normally talk about school stuff but also about weekend plans.

Before dinner, Sarah told them about our Friday night plan and they accepted her invitation to come with us.

Because it'll be a Rock Night we end up having dinner listening to some rock songs, old and recent. It's not my kind of music, but it's not like I hate it either. It'll be interesting.

I don't need to tellyou I'm excited, right? You know I am.