Found it! [ girlxgirl ]

||THIRTY-NINE||

-"Avery, what text?" I repeat feeling the tightness in my chest getting stronger.

-"I thought..." She begins, but stops again.

-"Avery!" I shout.

-"It's nothing Emma! She asked me to meet her se we could talk about Christmas."

-"Why? Or better, who? You never even mentioned her, Avery, and now I learn that she's still part of your life!" I'm clearly angry and I won't try to hide it. This is not how I expected the conversation about her ex to happen.

-"Sophia." She takes a deep breath. "We...we had a thing last year but it ended, obviously."

-"Oh...obviously! You sound disappointed. And the text? Talking about Christmas?"

-"Emma...I love you. You know damn well that I'll be sleeping alone during the holidays."

-"Not that crap again! Stop sounding so guilty! I knew that, moments ago. Now, I don't!" I feel tears forming in my eyes.

-"Please, Ems..." She leans in and tries to grab my hands but I pull back.

-"What is it?" I try my best to hold the tears in. "What about Christmas? And why do you keep saying you'll sleep alone almost as if you won't."

-"I will. I just don't want you to think that I won't. I'm pretty sure that that will cross your mind, and I want to make sure you know that I won't." She tries to grab my hands again and pull them back, again. She cringes.

-"You're terrible at it!" Thoughts of Avery with someone else cross my mind at full speed.

-"Listen...she's one of my best friends. The oldest. She's the daughter of family friends. We spend every Christmas together." I close my eyes letting a single tear drop. She lifts her hand to clean it but drops it, knowing I'll pull away from her. "I want to talk to her to let her know that I'm with you, and I'm happy, and..."

-"And what?" I ask, since she paused. "Why do you need to tell her that?"

-"Last Christmas..."

-"Fuck!" I once again shift in my seat, this time to a position where I'm not facing her.

-"Last Christmas, we weren't together anymore, but..." I hear her swallowing and I know what's coming next. "We always spend Christmas at my grandparents' house, out of the city, and her family stays with us for a couple days. We've been sharing a room since we were kids."

-"I get it." I sniff. "You don't have to say it."

-"That was last year, Emma. It won't happen this year. It won't happen ever again."

-"Are you sure?" I turn to look at her, seeing that tears are also forming in her eyes. "You don't seem sure, Avery! You look guilty in anticipation. You didn't tell me right away about the text...in fact, you never even told me about her."

-"Emma, please..."

-"Are you afraid that you won't be able to stop her if she tries something? Or to stop yourself?" My voice cracks with the last question and her tears roll over her face. The stinging pain in my chest is unbearable.

-"Emma..." She looks hurt but at this moment I don't care if my words are like sharp knives. "It's not that. The thing is...I can't just change the tradition of us sharing a room and call attention from our families to that. It's more complicated than that. That's why I want to let her know beforehand that nothing will happen between us."

-"But you'll sleep in the same bed?"

-"No. The same room, not the same bed. It's..."

-"So you won't be sleeping alone. Your ex-girlfriend will be sleeping next to you."