Found it! [ girlxgirl ]

||THIRTY-SIX||

It's been two weeks since that almost perfect weekend with Avery. We had an amazing night and an amazing morning, and we talked with my parents. It was great. But then, something changed when we talked about where we're going to spend Christmas.

I know I'm not upset that she's not going with me to Italy, and I know she's not upset either that I'm not staying with her. I think we're both just worried about what it means...the fact that my 'home' is in Italy.

We haven't talked about it again. I haven't told her all the scenarios that run through my head, and she hasn't told me what she's thinking either.

Honestly, I'm afraid to talk about it because I don't know what to tell her if she asks me what do I plan to do once this school year is over, and I'm also afraid...no, I'm terrified of her answer to the same question. I'm afraid we'll have such diverging plans that...Fuck! I don't even want to think about it.

On the other hand, not talking about it is not the best solution either. We've seen each other less this week, and every time we're together, we try to pretend we're fine but we both know we're not. I mean, we're not...not fine either. We're good. Really goof. I love her. She loves me. But this unspoken subject is getting in the way and we both know it, but neither one of us does something about it. It's ridiculous.

Now, it's already November. One day until the weekend and I'm praying that I get to spend it with Avery and hopefully get rid of this annoying situation that we so stupidly put ourselves in. Last weekend it was her little sister's birthday and I didn't even see Avery.

I'm 100% sure that if we were 100% fine, she would've 100% invite me. Although it hurts to realize that, I also think it was for the best. I wouldn't want to cause a bad first impression to her parents and sister. If we are aware of how we're behaving, than anyone from the outside can see it too.

As I'm closing my laptop, getting ready to make dinner for myself, Sarah, and Richard, my cellphone buzzes with a text from Avery.

Avery: Hey, Ems. I just got home, I'm exhausted. You?

A weak smile forms on my face as I write a reply.

Emma: Heyy! I just finished working. Going to cook dinner now...S and R already begged me for it. We're also exhausted.

I look over to the couch where Sarah and Richard are still working. I start boiling water and preparing the ingredients while texting Avery.

Avery: Poor things. Remind me to never take a master degree.

Speaking of which...what are your plans for next year?

I type, jokingly, knowing I won't send it. It would be a perfect way to start talking about it though.

Avery: So...what's dinner?

We kept a light conversation while the water boiled until Avery went to take a shower. I put the cellphone down after reading her last message, and sigh unknowingly deep and loud.

-"You okay?" Richard asks behind me, making me jump in surprise.

-"Not now that you scared me, ninja!" I smack his arm.

-"Spill it." He raises his eyebrows and jumps on the counter next to where I'm cutting the vegetables.

-"It's nothing, really. Silly stuff." I shake my head. After a brief moment of silence, I look up to see Richard still staring at me, waiting for an answer. "I've been thinking about next year...where I'll be...doing what...with whom... I think Avery is thinking about it too, and things have been a little awkward."