Found it! [ girlxgirl ]

||SEVENTEEN||

Silence.

I think I'm having another panic attack because I can't hear a thing.

But they're also not moving, so maybe I was able to stop time?

No, I wasn't. My mother just glanced at my father.

Now she's looking down at her hands, and I think I can see her tears falling.

Aaand...I'm crying, again. Did I ever stop?

Please, dad. Don't you cry too.

How long has it been?

Did I say it out loud, or did I just think it?

Should I repeat?

It was hard to say it the first time, but maybe I can say a second time. And a third, if needed.

Of course, my grandmother is smiling. She doesn't hear that well, so probably doesn't really know what's happening and is trying to encourage me to say something.

-"Mom? Dad?" I cautiously call them out. "Did you hear me?"

-"I thought you were pregnant, Emma!" My mom finally looks at me. "You know how scared I was that your life was going to change drastically because you were having a baby? And I immediately thought Mateo was the father, thanks to your grandma and her commentary during dinner."

-"Mom..." I try to speak, but she raises her hand and stops me.

-"My turn Emma, please. It's your moment, but I need to say this!" My father squeezes her shoulder and I can't really read him or her. I have no idea what's going on and I'm scared as hell. "Of course, I was scared at first but I would never be upset, because you're my daughter and I love you and I would love that child of yours. I wondered for how long did you know about it, how long it took you to tell me, and if that was the thing you were looking for all along."

She's rambling and all the while my grandmother is snickering behind her murmuring "and you wonder where did you get that overthinking problem".

-"I've seen you struggle with this, the pregnancy I thought, for a while and I tried to reach you but you never let me. Me and your father noticed it and tried to talk to you but you closed yourself off. I've been overthinking this for so long, Emma." She says emphasizing the 'so'. "Always wondering what went wrong in America and if I should've never let you go in the first place. Wondering what was wrong with my beautiful daughter and how I could help her."

By this time, I'm crying rivers. My father let out a single tear, that he quickly cleaned with the back of his hand so no one could see. I did see it, and it broke my heart a little more if that's even possible.

I want to say something but I can't. My mother doesn't seem finished, so I don't even make an effort to say some words or to excuse myself.

-"And today, I finally find out what's 'wrong' with you..." She says emphasizing and air quoting the word 'wrong', and I swear I stopped breathing, this time for real. No air, in or out. "...and I realize nothing is wrong with you! And I'm upset Emma. Not because you're gay. You should know that! But because it took you so long to tell us, and worse...you let it eat you to the point where you have a panic attack during dinner and end up throwing up in the sink!"

A few seconds pass.

-"I'm... sorry?" I ask, not sure if I heard everything correctly.

-"You got us so worried we weren't sure if you should go to the USA again. And youyou're your own worries affect you during these past weeks. You wasted too much time thinking about it, when you should've been enjoying the short summer you have with us." She brushes off her last tear.

Shit! You're right, mom.

This past week I've been locked down in my room preparing a speech to out myself. Every time I thought I had it right, I would come out and start talking with them, but when they asked questions like "hey, it's now the time you tell us what you found or are you gonna keep it to yourself forever?" I would snap, answer rudely and run back to my room. It reminded me of my adolescence years.

-"Amore mio..." My grandma interrupts my thought and I realize I haven't said anything else. "How gay are you?"

I gulp, not believing my grandma just asked me this, although it doesn't surprise me. If only my other grandma could react to this like her.

-"Bisexual." That's all I can answer.

-"How long do you know? You found that out in America, right? Is there someone there waiting for you?" My mother, feeling like I just ignored her speech, stands from her seat and hugs me, all the while asking me a million questions in my ears.

-"I've known for a while now, and yes I found out in America." I start answering her questions, but I stop at the last one. "I'm pretty sure she won't be waiting for me, though."

My dad finally moves, and starts making tea for all of us. I can help but smile. I take it as his way of expressing what he can't do with words. He's the most caring man I know, and I love him. I love them all, and I can't believe I was so afraid of their reaction.

-"Are you going to tell us the story or are you going to wait a couple months too?" My grandma says, laughing.

-"Mother, please..." My mother reprimands her, and turns to me asking the same question but with less finger pointing.

So, I told them. I told them how I met Avery and how I liked her from the start. I told them how we kept talking and meeting for a coffee on the weekends. I told them about my last night in America, about the way we left things and about the way we 'ended' things.

My father didn't say much till the end.

"Boy or girl, Italian or American, right or wrong...the second they hurt you they'll have to handle Victor Agostini." He said while hugging me and keeps going with a mocking tone "I would like to exchange some words with this Avery."

"Yeah, right!" I snicker. They all seem relived now that I finally told them everything. "Thank you. Thank you for being supportive, and I'm really sorry I let this thing escalate. Please, let's remember this day as the day you all saw my truest self for the first time, and not the day I puked in the sink."

They all laugh and after that we kept talking for a while. Obviously, they all had their own advice for me, and I heard every single one of them.

I was exhausted by the time I went to bed.

I sent a group text to my closest friends, asking them to meet me tomorrow. I was going to say that I wanted to tell them something important, but that was just cruel. Besides, they would probably call me immediately to see what was going on, and not only I couldn't do it by phone I also wasn't ready to go through it again...not right now.

I tried to fall sleep, thinking it would be easy after the weight that I carried on my shoulders for the past weeks had been lifted.

After many turns in bed I stop fighting the urge to text her so I grab my cellphone and send one last message.

Told my parents and my grandma that I'm bisexual. Told them about you, too. That may or may not be related. xX