Found it! [ girlxgirl ]

||THIRTY-EIGHT||

November, 18th. Two more weeks passed and routine made itself at home.

Somedays I wake up with Avery by my side, somedays alone. I get up to get ready and leave my apartment to go to the library where I meet Sarah and Richard and where we spend the first 7-8 hours of our days working on our thesis. We make a couple breaks, of course, but generally it's a full work day with real progress.

After that, I go home, have dinner, sleep, and...repeat. I may have dinner at different places, depending on my moods and the plans I make with my friends. We even had dinner at Avery's house one day. Myself, Avery, Sarah, Richard, and Rose. It was great. Other than that, weekdays are basically uneventful, but full. Not much time for anything else, other than thesis and rest. I'm working hard because I want to reach a comfortable stage before winter break so I can enjoy my holydays without being too concerned with it. My supervisor has been giving me good feedback, and I'm confident about my work. I'm still stressed, but not as much as I was a month ago.

As for my weekends, they are different. I've been able to put my thesis aside and have fun, not feeling that much guilt. On Fridays, I still go out, on Saturdays I still cure the hangover, and on Sundays I still speak with family and friends over Skype.

I've been spending every weekend with Avery, which is amazing. She's part of my routine and I love it. When we go out together, which doesn't always happen and that is actually good, either we hang out with my friends or with hers.

Things have been great between us. The feeling of waking up next to her is as good as the feeling of falling asleep in her arms, or with her in mines. The sex has been great, as always. I'm definitely getting experience.

I also met her family two weeks ago. I was really nervous about it, but I soon got over it when I was so well received at her place. It was a joy to spend a full day with them. Her little sister is the cutest thing, and I can see a younger Avery in her. Her mother confirmed that Catherine is just like Avery was when she was 10 years old. Creative, stubborn, curious, and talented. She plays the violin and I got a private show that completely blew my mind. She's definitely talented. Young and talented.

Since she's her half-sister, I assumed the talent came from her mother. Apparently, she used to play the violin too but decided to follow a different career path and become a lawyer. I never felt so non-artistic in my entire life. Her mother's partner, John, is a really nice person, but clearly more reserved and stiff than the three women. I could tell he loves all three of them, and the feeling is reciprocated. Although Avery resents her parents for not trying harder to stay together, I can see that she did try, and succeeded, to welcome John into the family.

For that, I fell in love with her a little more.

So, like I said, things are great. Well, expect for one little thing that has been in the back of my mind and I've been trying to find the right time to talk about it. Avery's ex-girlfriend.

We never talked about past relationships. I know she knows about Mateo, but she doesn't really know about our relationship. I think it's because we never talked about it from the start and now it seems like it's not worth it to bring the subject back to the table.

I would totally be okay with not talking about it, as long as it didn't affect us, but it does in a certain way. I always get the feeling that I have to prove her friends and family that I'm not going to hurt her, and that causes a lot of pressure in me and our relationship.

Obviously, I don't want to hurt her, and I won't. But feeling like everyone is analyzing every word I say about Avery, about us, and every action, trying to find something wrong, it's very nerve-wracking. Especially, because I don't know exactly why. They always ask where I'm going to be next year, which instantly leaves both me and Avery in an awkward silence. They ask if my family knows about us. They ask a lot of questions, sometimes directly, sometimes not so much.

The concern is always there, clearly visible.

I get that it's a concern every parent and friends have in the beginning, but it's been months and I love her. My parents, mostly my father, were concern about it the same way they were about Mateo. Now, they see how happy she makes me and they stopped making sure that she's serious about us, that I really like her and that she really likes me. They know that to be true.

With Avery's family and friends, it feels like it's a constant test. I know it's because of her ex-girlfriend only because Rose told me, but no one ever mentioned her again. Even Avery, when we briefly talked about past relationships, never mentioned her. She only told me about her high school boyfriend, but it didn't last long and they actually stayed friends after the break up. After him, there was someone else. A girlfriend. A girlfriend she never mentioned, and I never asked her.

Not until today. Today, I'm going to ask her about it one way or the other.

-"I can't believe it's almost December, and you're about to leave me here to sleep alone and cold." Avery says as she drops onto the couch.

We had dinner and we've been cleaning the kitchen for the past 20 minutes.

I follow her and sit resting my back on the armrest and pulling my legs up and above her lap.

-"During the week you almost always sleep at your place, so...alone right?" I narrow my eyes in suspicion, but with a playful smile on my face.

-"Hmm...let me think...Monday I was alone, Thursday..." I throw a pillow at her and she laughs. "I'm going to miss you, Ems. You know I will be sleeping alone every day, right?"

-"I know." I smile and stare at her trying to read her. She has a concerned look on her face. "Ave, you know I will be too, right? Why are we even asking this? It's insane."

-"I know, I know." She looks down at her hands, picking on her fingernails.

-"Avery, look at me." I call her and wait for her eyes to meet mine. "Why are you concerned? I'm obviously gonna sleep alone and thinking about you the whole time."

-"I know Emma, I'm not concerned." She smiles, breathing in and out slowly, almost as if she wants to take a full deep breath but doesn't want to show it.

-"Well, you look like it. I don't understand why." I'm mildly annoyed that everyone seems to doubt my feelings and intentions. I see an opportunity and take it. "Does it have something to do with your ex-girlfriend?".

She looks at me puzzled, eyes wide open.

-"How do you know?" I see that she's confused but also...scared?

-"Rose told me." I state.

-"Rose told you? Why would she tell you?" Now she looks annoyed, and I hope it's not at me because if it is, I'll be annoyed at her.

-"Well, maybe because you don't. And don't worry, she didn't give me details so whatever it is you don't want to tell me, it's safe." I remove my legs from her lap and sit with legs crossed, hugging a pillow.

-"It's not that I don't want to tell you, I've just been trying to find the right time to do it." Didn't I hear this before? Oh, right. My own thoughts. "Also, I just got her text last week so why did Rose tell you, and when?"

I freeze into place, looking at her, dumbfounded, with my mouth open.

-"What text?" I ask, barely above a whisper. I can hear my heartbeat better than my words.

-"What were you talking about?" She asks, realizing that we've been talking about different things.

-"No!" I put my hand up to stop her. "What are you talking about?"

She swallows hard and stares at me, thinking about her next words. She opens her mouth to speak but closes it instantly.

No words come out, and I'm literally holding my breath until she speaks.