Forever Agape [FS#1]

THE IDEA OF NOWS

C h a p t e r 21

I gripped his wrist. Natigil ito sa paglalaro sa aking buhok at mabilis na lumipad ang mga mata sa akin. Humigpit pa ang kapit ko rito na ikinataas ng kanyang kilay.

"How can you be so calm?" I asked him, he can even pull out a joke while I'm struggling to think about the best action to do. "Hell, if you can't provide any solution, I'm just going to call Mom."

"It's the best solution, denying it won't make them shut up. Why would you hide it from them, iyon naman ang totoo..."

Isa isa niyang tinanggal ang mga daliri kong nakakapit sa kanya, sa isang malambot na haplos ay tila nanghina ang buong sistema ko at wala nang nagawa kung hindi bitiwan siya.

I haven't thought about that possibility, it can be pursued too. If someone would drop a piece of evidence that we're living under one roof, we can't deny it anymore. We're open to the public, our relationship too. Ang sinabi sa akin ni Mommy, instead of answering their speculations, just prove to them that we're in a relationship. If telling them can prove that point... Why not?

It may weaken their doubts about Hell and I, mapapatatag pa nito na totoo ngang may namamagitan sa amin at hindi palabas iyon. Na wala ng dapat pang ipagduda roon.

"Living in one roof will fire up their idea that we're engage, engagement at this age is impossible so they would think it's really an arrange marriage. They would conclude that..." Humina ang aking boses, hinilamos ko ang kamay sa mukha at ilang beses pang nagbuntong hininga bago muling tumingin sa kanya.

"In whatever action we choose to take, you can't control how people would conclude. We aren't torn, Hurricane. You should know about this, it's between our families. No one can spill the truth until one of us decided to, naiintindihan mo?" He extended his arms, both reaching for my temple. He massaged it gently, he's not bothered?

"Their assumptions are just made by their idealistic mind, realities are made by the truth. Their assumptions can't be justified unless you want to tell them that this is just an arranged marriage, then it would create an undying fuss." He added.

"I will never, alright? Mom warned me about this." Ipinahinga ko ang ulo sa sandalan ng sofa habang patuloy ito sa pagmamasahe sa akin. This is really stressful.

"If you have something under your sleeves except running away, we can talk about it." Matalim akong tumingin sa kanya, anong karapatan niyang bawiin ang desisyon na iyon kung buong sistema ko na ang nagawa niyang kumbinsihin? "I don't want to force you, I just want you to see everything from my point of view. If ever that I prove a point. Now, let me see yours..."

"Let's do it, admit whatever." Natigil siya sa sinabi ko, ipinikit ko ang mata at marahan pang tumango. "We can't dodge the truth, no matter how we close our eyes we will eventually end up opening it again for our sake. So fuck yes, let's do it."

Isang kasinungalingan na lang ang pipilitin naming isubo sa lahat. What's between Hell and me, the arranged marriage, is just made by our parents' idealistic minds. Now I wonder, if I can feed them the truth, would they be able to accept the reality? But shoving that on their mouth would instantly crumple Hell.

Napatingin ako sa kanya, ni hindi ito nagulat sa aking pagtitig. Nakaramdam ako ng takot ngunit hindi para sa akin, para sa kanya. If I try to ruin this arrange marriage, I might ruin him. I remember telling him to use what's between us to prove himself. Lumukob ang takot, kinagat ko ang labi at ikinuyom ang kamay.