I'm not a doctor, and you're not my patient.
Eat these words at your own risk.
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Some dark themes and terrible humor may be included... viewer discretion advised *awkwardly shrugs*
I'm in no honest place to be freely handing out advice about self love and being at your best when I'm not even at my best. It's been brought to my attention that I have a type of binge eating disorder. Now it may not be that extreme compared to other cases, but that doesn't matter, what matters is that I have it and I need to fix it.
I think by actively tracking, for the most part, of what I eat on a day to day basis, I know that junk foods and no exercise trigger my binging episodes. Anytime I eat a food that is saturated with all these thing that I don't know or that I know, but don't care, it leads me to eating other foods of the same category: junk food.
Now, I know that I can't be perfect all the time, but I just want and aim to become progressively become better at eating healthy and being more self forgiving when I do mess up.
Because although I do claim that I feel fine and dandy after a mess up, I don't. And honestly no one truly does, and if they do, they are lying to their self, or they do not give two shits about their health and having longevity.
I'm a liar in that scenario. I want to really believe that I'm okay with all this, but I forget all the time that becoming healthy is a long, and laborious process, that can be mentally and physically tolling because you never think you're good enough.
In all seriousness, this a very personal journey for me, and I want to prove not only to myself, but prove to you guys that this is to not only help myself, but help the planet, animals, and the global population by being a better vegan.
Eating healthier means less packaging and more fruits and vegetables in my diet. And with more fruits and veggies I have better and more sustainable energy, than compared to crappy and chemically produced, processed foods. And with less highly processed foods, I help the planet by not using valuable resources that could be used to build shelters in other nations and feed other less fortunate people all around the world.
I'm done feeling so sorry for myself. Sorry that I can't run like a lap without being winded. Sorry that I skip out on family bike rides because I'm too busy watching youtube and being a closet eater. Sorry that I make all these promises with others, but just give up and not do them because I'm unmotivated and unwilling to change and do something about it.
Sitting on my ass all day does nothing for me, and nothing for others. I focus so much on my problems when there are so many issues circulating around the world, while I just blatantly ignore them with my "weight loss issues".
But with small changes, I can change my whole mindset around. I don't have to be a procrastinator anymore. I don't have to feel shitty for not doing my best work. I don't have to feel back for filling peoples' minds with empty promises. By fixing my eating habits and exercise routine, I can change anything around me.
I can be a runner. I can start weightlifting. I can finish my community work. I can join more clubs. I can get my life back on track to what I want.
I understand that most of these entries I write begin very depressing and filled with utter humiliation, but you should get used to me being happy and filled with positive energy after a month or two. Because for once in my life I reached out and got help, to aid me on this hard journey. The person reminded me that weight loss is NOT the goal, the goal is to be happy and to feel comfortable in your own skin. A number does not define you, nor does it show anything about yourself to others.
I am not healthy.
BUT, I'm going to be because I'm making this decision and commitment to change once and for all. Being vegan for the animals, for the planet, for the moral obligation, and for my personal health.
Thank you @NaturalHerbivore for giving me a push in the right direction, and reminding me that I'm human, I make mistakes, but I have the ability to do this. Telling me that there are so many options and that I should focus on what I know is good for me and not completely fall apart because of others or because of my own inner demons.
I'll be sure to keep tracking, and show you guys that if I can do this , so can you.
Love you lots,
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P.S. Keep working towards you goals, no matter how impossible they may seem now. You are capable.
