Killer Kandy

Long time no see

Hi,

Sorry for that wonderful *silently cringing* break, school work and personal shit got all up in my grill as well as swim after school. But I just wanted to let you know that I've decided to be vegan again, but this time for myself and no one else. I've found if I wanna do something, I'll do it and make it happen. It's just that I let others expectations as well as all the pressure get to me from being a certain way and acting a certain way. Plus, I felt useless since I wasn't eating the correct vegan foods and just ate shit all the time expecting to look amazing.

All the negativity inside me welled up and came out in the form of balling out in front of my mom about how others looked and viewed me. But, from my time of being not-vegan I've realized that I want to be, and that I was completely fed up with how people viewed me. Screw those who thought that I was a failure for being not vegan, and screw those who thought that I was stupid and impulsive in the first place for making the rash and naive claim that I'd be vegan forever. And I hope to be vegan for the rest of my life, and I can if I eat all the right foods and show to my mom and all those doubts that anyone on a plant-based diet can get some serious gains.

For the longest time I've wanted to start weight training in order to develop more useful muscles for lifting things, and just in general feeling stronger when I swim. Not to mention, I also desire to build up my endurance and become more of a long distance runner since I want to be better at endurance events in swim and do some running races this year to prove to myself that I can do both, and feel amazing doing both. It doesn't just have to be weight lifting OR cardio, it can be both, and both can help me in the other activity.

So besides that, I've just decided to make it official to start meal prepping for 5 days in advance for majority of the week so I can stay on track of my steps to a healthier lifestyle and also get more in the kitchen. I honestly love cooking and baking, it's a great past-time that really makes time fly. Not to mention the delicious process of tasting as you go and sharing the end product with all that you love. I want to be more accustomed with all the various ways of creating and inventing different food cuisines except in a vegan version.

Though it'll never be anything I do professionally since I plan take the opposite route in life for my career pathway, it'd be a great learning experience. So that when I do end up attending a university later in life, I'll have so knowledge on how to make quick, healthy, and delicious foods without any stress and fuss.

Besides that, I'll probably not really take photographs of the foods I eat unless you guys want images, but I'll let you know how things are going as I become more whole plant-food-based. As well as talk about the different exercise routines I plan to do, and what new foods I discover when on this journey to a better life.

In all honesty, I'm not too bad now, I just want to improve and be a better version of myself. Today I ate like two veggie sandwiches for lunch, which were fairly healthy and tasty, and dinner was kinda a bust, not going to lie. With the fact that I ate 4 mangoes plus a hefty helping of ramen (meaning two whole packets to myself), it was all a bit too much. And you wanna know what's crazy, I don't really enjoy eating those foods too much, because I constantly think about the guilt I'll feel afterwards for eating such terrible things. And that's a poisonous mindset to be in whenever you eat something a little too oily, salty, or sugary.

Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that I didn't die and that I didn't fall off the face of the planet, just got a little busy and this just wasn't a priority of mine at the time since life kinda took over and school and being okay with how I am was number one on my list. Being as sometimes I can get a little emotional writing these sometimes, I just felt maybe I'd be in my best interest if I just took a few week off and went MIA, putting myself first.

So yeah, that all happen within a good 3-3.5 week time spanned. And just so you know, I'm out of school tomorrow, so be expecting updates a lot more, because I'll have much more time on my hands.

Know you are loved,

P.S. I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for staying here with me all through this, and even though you guys don't comment, I sincerely enjoy knowing that someone, anyone is reading this and is alive. Keep on staying with me, as things are gonna get better from here on out, I can just feel it running in my veins like it was meant to be there. <3 

You might even get a little sneak peak at what big project I plan on launching this summer with a sister of mine.... *wink wink*