Killer Kandy

The Importance of being Happy

I'm not a failure, nor are you.

Hey, I'm back and a little bit more sane. Well, just enough so people don't refer to me as the Mad Hatter. But anyways, a big thing happened to me yesterday.

I decided to no longer be vegan.

I know, it's actually a big deal because ever since I decided on June 17th, 2016 of last year I thought I'd never look back and never think about eating any meat or animal by-products ever again.

I guess things never occurred to me that my life is just as important as the animals. I thought that by eating a certain way it would solve not only my problem of feeling fat but also help clear my mind of all the hate and truly terrible thoughts I would have about myself everyday. Boy was I wrong.

Now, many people probably never noticed, but this year especially I've been depressed and dampered because of the misery and the demons that live in my mind. They spit out the worst things that absolutely swallow me whole, making me feel less than anything in my life.

I'm aware that by making this decision I may taint the vegan lifestyle for those of you who have never be vegan, but don't make your decision based on the ideas that it'll led to sadness and depression. Being plant-based for almost year allowed me to learn so many new things that I wouldn't trade for the world. And when I'm older and understand the nutritional premise of the diet better, I'll try it again, but for the time being I'm making this choice so I can be happy.

Happiness is essential in anyone's life because without it there is no joy in life, and without being joyous about all the different people you meet and all the different places you get to see, what is the point of life?

I want to emphasize that mental health is equally, if not more important, than physical health. If you aren't happy where you are in life, you'll fall to darkness. You'll fall so hard that rock bottom feels like an isolated and icy hell. In everything you do, you need to be mentally prepared for what is to come. And if you are too consumed in all the deathly thoughts that swamp your mind, how are you suppose to be prepared? You can't fight two battles and expect to be victor in both. The mind can only do so much.

Foods you eat DO NOT DEFINE YOU as a person. They never should. However, I let the concept of failure cloud my judgement of what was good for me. I felt that if I stop eating a certain way people would view me as a failure. A failure that couldn't keep a simple promise.

But now I just feel free... like I've escape a cage of expectations and standards. I should value my expectations over everyone else's because my happiness and what makes me feel happy is important.

I am important, and so are you.

By making this decision I've come to terms with the fact that I need to be okay with myself before trying to help others. I can't pour from an empty glass. I need to put myself first. Doing this was very scary, I'm not going to lie. Overanalyzing things is a hobby of mine. But when some sense was knocked into me by my true family, I knew then and there that I have to put myself first.

And you should too.

Do what makes you happy, 

p.s. I'm never going to eat meat, because in all honesty it's gross to me now. But I will be eating dairy products. 

MUCH LOVE TO ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING ME ON THIS JOURNEY.