Killer Kandy

Making Mental Progress

Welcome back to my oh-so original sob story called my life. Just kidding... not really.

My life has gotten overwhelmingly hectic over a very short period of time, but that's okay. It makes me feel like I'm actually doing something with my life. At least is does until I start feeling like death halfway through the school year.

But besides my utterly boring and repetitive schedule of school to swim, I want to talk about the criticalness of mental health and control under stress or just in like situations where one can feel like their free falling without any safety net beneath them.

I've noticed I mentally feel most prepared and just feel more energized in general when I have a set schedule and have set times and dates things need to get done. But that's just how my mind works, another person could work in a polar opposite method getting a 4.0.

In many cases, teenagers can become severely under pressure due to not only their high expectations but all those around them, and being constantly surrounded by judgement and assessing one's worth and intelligence doesn't always boost one's self-esteem and perseverance to drive forward from devastating defeats.

Sometimes, adolescents just want to be immature and live like their foolish and just jovial. And I'm completely for that. But there always has to be some type of balance.

I'll be the first to raise my hand high about still learning how to balance all of life's punches and one's own priorities in a proper manner.

Karma is a bitch.

Life is an asshole.

Love is unrequited.

Or at least from my own experiences and others around me would agree to a certain extent with those three statements. It's like the definition of American teenhood. With that being said, over just the commencement of this year I've noticed how the teachers really treat students as mature young adults.

And to be completely honest, I don't want to be called a 'mature young adult'. In other words, that means taking on even more responsibilities and burdens as I become more independent from my parents. On some occasions I actually stop myself and question what grade I'm in again because I'm now considered an upperclassmen.

That. Is. Frikin'. Scary.

Being an adult in my mind means student debt, college for the next 6 years of my life, saving for retirement, getting into the workforce, taxes, political and civil duties, etc.

At this point in my life, I can hardly believe I made it this far, and not to be like arrogant and egotistical, but I'm proud that I've made it to this point. And not to be a "Negative Nancy" or whatever, but it only gets harder from here on out.

Although I digress from the original topic of mental health, I just want to support the idea that it's okay to rest. It's okay to take a break. It's okay to feel scared.

Everyone goes through that at least a few times in their life or else they just haven't lived a life worth living yet.

What's not okay is living with constant depression and anxiety about what tomorrow brings or what people think of you. What's not alright is self-harming yourself because you see it as an outlet to all the internal pain you hide away. What's not fine is having social anxiety at every event you go to because there are peers you know.

There's a big difference.

And the only thing I can tell you is: talk to someone, someone you unconditionally trust.

There will always be fakes, cheats, and petty people out in the world, but one of the many jobs that is key to success is scouting out the genuine souls in the world that just want to help. They want to help you.

Speaking about a problem, at least for many of my friends as well as myself, immensely helps me cope with stressful situations and decisions. It may not clear all the waters, make the gray area fade, or help the ying get rid of the yang, but I will help you breathe.

And sometimes all you need to do in order to survive things is just breathe.

Keep on breathing and having a blinding life full of light,

P.S. so sorry for randomly changing the format of the letter today, I was internally debating on whether to use the pronoun 'one' or just stick to the informal 'you' I normally use. So, sorry if your pissed about that... lol. But anyways... love you lots.