Make Me Forget✔

S E V E N

Song Of The Chapter: Wait- M83

Conor's POV_

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD JUST FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE!" Waking up with tears covering my pillow isn't something new for me, and taking pills to help me fall asleep isn't exactly new either.

The only time I manage to fall asleep helplessly is when I faint because of alcohol overdose, and at some point, I wish I could never wake up, because I know if I did, I'm going to wake up in absolute pain and horror, just like I did right now.

"Conor! What happened?!" Alex made his way to me as fast as he could, probably after hearing my screams, first thing in the morning. I held my head in my hands, squeezing the images that were displayed inside my head out of me, and trying to put back the pieces of what feels like an exploded skull missing from on top of my head. "It's alright mate, it's alright." He massaged my shoulders, trying to loosen me up a bit while I struggled for breath, not even bothered by all the tears tracing down my face freely, making sure I calm down a little so that Alex doesn't get worried.

"I want to kill myself. This is too much. It's fucking too much." I cried, harder than I've ever cried before, feeling my nerves tighten up to the point where both of my hands turned numb, and I just couldn't feel my body anymore.

"Just breathe, okay? We can talk about this!" He tried comforting me, but it was like I'm gone already, and it was too late to talk about anything.

"I literally can't breathe." I laughed through my tears, as if it's hilarious not having your lungs to function properly.

But I'll have you know, not being able to take a breath sucks.

It's just that, this has happened to me so many times before, it's kind of funny how I end up shaking with nothing but dark thoughts going over and over inside my head, blocking me from the outside world for a second, as if I'm being pulled down a lightless ocean, without any directions or instructions on how to survive, and the more it lasts, the more hopeless and scared I feel.

Nothing is worse than knowing you've got people right next to you, but they simply can't help you.

"What?! Are you serious?!" Alex seemed frightened, his hands still holding my shoulders as he asked the question.

"Alex, I'm dying." I had to tell him. I just needed someone to let all my fear upon, and Alex was there... he was there to listen to me, and even though I knew I couldn't speak or move, he just had to know.

"Conor stop with all this non sense, you're fine!" He tried calming me down, sitting right opposite to me, but I didn't have the power to move or concentrate. All I was seeing were the ghosts of a scary past, and a scary future, and just a scary life.

"DYING ISN'T NONSENSE!" The heat inside of me was starting to build up fast, and I think that the only reason I shouted was because he thought I was messing around with him, while I literally thought I'm going to fall out of my body any second.

"That's it, I'm calling a doctor." My hand finally moved to slap the phone out of his hand so that it crashes down to the ground, stopping him from calling anyone, or doing anything.

"Why did you do that?!" He asked, standing up.

"Please leave me alone right now." I don't know what's gotten into me, but the voices in my head were turning into screams of suffocation minute by minute, and it was like someone's choking me from the inside, adding more terrifying voices to my once-peaceful mind.

"Just lay down okay?" He pushed my shoulders back, so that I could free my own face, and lay back down, but it was like my body turned into stone... solid, cold, and heavy.