Make Me Forget✔

T H I R T Y E I G H T

Song of the chapter: How Long Will I Love You- Ellie Goulding

Anastasia's POV_

This is the worst I've ever been in years.

I've always imagined the moment I end up being pregnant as a moment full of happiness, where my loving partner shares my excitement with me through the bittersweet journey, but I guess my lack of responsibility has led to more damage than I thought it would.

Neither me nor Conor are ready to settle down... I know we aren't.

I expected Conor to ditch his share of the responsibility as soon as he finds out, so I was just as surprised as anyone else was when he showed up at the school.

I've been throwing up a lot more than usual, feeling the need for some extra sleep each morning, an absolutely unbelievable dizziness strikes every now and then,... but my doctor said it's nothing more than the normal symptoms.

What's even worse, is that yesterday's class was supposed to be my last.

I know I shouldn't quit this early, but I've been told that over heating could affect both me and the baby negatively, so I'd rather find a safer, calmer job till I get through this, since dancing requires a lot of energy out of me, and I don't think I'll be able to pull through in a few more weeks.

I'm ashamed to say that I've considered abortion once or twice throughout the past couple of days, but I'm only scared of what's going to happen after I give birth.

I'm worried I wouldn't be able to do this all on my own, even though I told Conor that his help wasn't needed.

Joyce got her fair share of my anger after I found out she told Conor about the whole thing, but the poor girl feels bad for setting me up with him in the first place, so she needed to find a way to make things better for me.

It isn't completely Joyce's or Conor's fault, since I happened to catch feelings while I wasn't meant to do so.

It's just that, I felt the need to love him, even though my brain kept telling me not to.

It's weird how much you could go through for a person, then try running away after you get heartbroken.

I never believed in love, or its effects, until I found myself trapped in the arms of a blue-eyed heartbreaker, with the sweetest pair of lips, and softest touch of them all.

No matter how much pain I've been feeling, I still wouldn't take back what we had.

He was a lesson... a beautiful, yet painful lesson, and I'll have to take my final test, before declaring peace.

I was hoping he wouldn't question my ways, or check up on me anymore, but let's face it, he's the father, and he knows he is, so I'll have to keep seeing him around for a while.

I wouldn't mind seeing him honestly, if it wasn't for the fact that I would have to hold back from getting closer to him because of the firm wall of excuses he built between us.

Nothing is for sure anymore, and I might end up getting into more trouble if he does anything without thinking.

I mean, he's the celebrity here, and I'm pretty sure he's the one worried about this whole thing, even though I'm the one giving birth.

I sat on my couch, my eyes on the box of pizza I ordered about half an hour ago, still untouched as I left it on the table opposite to me.

I love pizza... I mean, who doesn't?

But I just don't feel like eating, even though I know I have to.

Mia promised to drop by after she finishes her extra shift at work, so the bell ringing at a time like this wasn't a surprise for me.