way up • stephen curry [au]

xlv. letters to zay

Dear Zay,

          You probably don't know this but when Corey asked us to make a letter for someone I already had you in my mind. I had so much to say that's why I grabbed this opportunity to tell you. You know I went to a few colleges for basketball scoutings and I was able to see different lifestyles from different states. It was fun. I enjoyed having a glimpse of what my future would become. I also used those two weeks trying to move on from you, but I found that I only end up missing you more each day. I'm sorry, I know that's such an asshole thing to say. After all, I broke up with you. And I don't wanna make an excuse to how much I must have hurt you but now that I think of it, it's really killing me inside. Because I want you. I don't think I'd see anyone else better than you.

You used to be this shy and timid girl during freshman year. We bump to each other a lot and you'd furrow your eyebrows every time I pass your way. I always thought it was cute, but I had to pretend that I did not know you even though we were practically neighbors. You were so confined in your own space while I was so caught up with my popularity in school. I guess we really were opposites, but opposites attract, don't they? Because that's what I've always felt for you. I knew I liked you since freshman year. Hell, I liked you since we were little kids messing around at the playground. I found you crying by the swing because some stupid kid stepped on your favorite Barbie doll. I remember approaching you that day. How could I forget? Even though I was only 8 years old that time, I was a slick ass mf. I walked towards you and asked you to stop crying. I even tried to fix your doll but I ended up breaking it more, so you kicked sand on my face and I choked. I fucking choked, and then you laughed. At least I made you smile. And that was the first I actually saw you smile, and my world stopped for a while.

But my pride ruined everything. Well, I guess because I was also coward. I grew up having a hard time confessing my true feelings, that's why I never did. Instead, I often watched you from afar. I watched you when you didn't look and I didn't have a hard time because you never really looked my way. Funny, because that's how I started feeling this anger towards you. You never really paid attention to me. At all. We wasted years in middle school and in high school of seeing each other in the hallways or next door, but not once did you look at me the way the other girls did. So outside I was like, yeah fuck you Arzaya. These girls die for me. But for some reason, that summer in junior year, I asked Klay to try and hangout with Shay because I knew you were best friends. I guess that's the easiest way to have some sort of connection with you. And that motherfúcker Thompson fell in love for Shay as expected. But for some time, I almost lost my idea of you because I saw other girls and they liked me and they go crazy for everything I do and jesus I just loved that. I never felt that from you. Sleeping around was my second option because I thought it also made me cool. And I thought it was a good way to recover my silly childhood crush on you. But then damn, I guess after years of going to church with my mom, God really listened to me because one day we got paired in Lit class and that's how it all began. At first you acted like I was the most disgusting person you've ever known, so I had to put on a front and be mad. Actually, I was mad. Who are you to reject the idea of me? I'm Stephen fucking Curry :P

But yeah, fuck me. Cuz I still ended up being a coward until the end when I decided to break things off with you. I got scared because commitment is a big deal to me. My pride is an even bigger deal, so without proper thinking, I broke it off thinking that you'd be running after me. But you didn't. You let me go so easily and I received a taste of my own medicine. In the words of Draymond, "How could you ever let go of the only good thing in your life?" You don't know how many nights I regretted hurting you—how many nights I wished I didn't act so rashly. Because every time I see you, my heart crumples into pieces knowing you'd never come back to me.