You Got Me A Turtle?!

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John's P.O.V

I wake up to the smell of pancakes and an empty space in my bed. I wake up groggily, trotting down the stairs. I go to the kitchen and I see Alexander and my mother cooking some pancakes. They laugh at something and I lean against the door frame, clearing my throat.

They both look at me and smile, then resume to laughing.

"Wow, I didn't know I was that funny."

"You're not." My mother says. Alex smiles. I walk up behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist and planting a kiss on his neck. He straightens his body out and I feel a small pain in my arm.

"No sexy time in my kitchen." She says, laughing.

"When we are doing gifts?" I ask.

"Before we leave for lunch, so in like 4 hours."

"Lunch? Are there any places open today?" Alexander says.

"McDonald's." I say with my mother. Alexander nods his head.

"Eleanor-" I'm shocked that he addressed my mother by her name, I didn't know she was okay with it. "Is it okay if we skip out of the dinner? John said he was gonna show me around town." Alexander says. I raise my eyebrow because I don't recall saying that, but I just let it slide.

"Oh of course! That's totally fine. You'll just have to join us for when we get dessert."

"Of course."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After the twins wake up, we all gather in the living room.

"Okay, who wants to start?" My father says, clapping his hands. Mary eagerly raises her hand. She takes a bunch underneath the tree.

"Daddy, I got you a new tools set, but it's not actually tools. It's toys." I laugh as she gives the gift to my father. He kisses the top of her head.

"Thank you, sweetie." She gives the rest of her gifts. I got a teddy bear to snuggle with.

"That bear better not become your new lover." Alex whispers to me.

"I don't know. He's pretty cute."

The twins got me and Alexander a bunch of hair products.

"You guys are lucky you both have long hair."

Martha gave Alexander and I gift cards to target.

"Now you guys are $100 richer."

My mother got Alexander some baking things.

"So that's where you disappeared to after breakfast." My father says.

My father got me...condoms and lube. He just smiles when I eye the contents.

"Thanks." I say.

"Daddy, what is that?" Mary says. He widens his eyes and the whole family laughs.

My mothers gift for me was in another room.

"Okay, I don't know what your campus' rules on pets is but-" she says when she leaves.

"What? What are you talking about?" I say. My mother reappears with a fish tank, but there aren't any fish. Instead, there's a-

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