When love is near

Jamie

I entered this fast food restaurant one Thursday afternoon. I stand in line with a bunch of people ahead of me. Ugh! Pet peeve, waiting in line and it is too crowded for me. Seeing different faces, different expressions of anxiety, joy some are smiling when your eyes meet with them. I don't know I'm just getting tired.

Two more! Two more and it's my turn to order finally! hmmmm choosing what meal to eat lately is agitating. Managing my expenses in my thoughts, shucks! I can't decide!

Let me breathe. Shook my head a little because god Jamie make up your mind for a meal! Pan my eyes and wait, who is this tall guy standing a few meters from me? I can't clarify his face because my cap is hindering my view. But I can see his complexion so white as snow, wearing a blue polo suit his skin. Wait, let me slowly gaze up at you. "Good morning, ma'am, can I have your order?" shit! My heart almost skips a bit at that moment! And her flashing welcoming smile elevated my disappointment. I was an inch closer to focus on his face. Standing there, he's making me anxious, I am so tense and conscious! I don't know why. But I really wanted to stare at his face, but bet I'm such a coward I cannot do that.

Oh my god! Was that his voice? I heard his voice! Husky so manly. He's commanding some crew and it was then I realize that he is the manager.

I'm eating alone on this couch, It's awkward to be seated on a couch fashioned for a family, but C''mon I want to be comfortable when eating. 

They guy in blue polo pops out of nowhere, but why do I look away whenever he's near? I look down on my table and pretend to enjoy my meal when his way is about to approach my direction. My heart is beating unreasonably fast. Can it slow down? I want it to slow down, but his scent made it more intense! My eyes may have been covered by my cap, but it can follow his footsteps. I am so weird right now that I am memorizing how graceful he is when walking. Eehw Jamie, you are acting like a high school student stalking your crush. Hide your cheeks better, it's been blushing since forever! god why do I giggle like this? I can literally feel my blood rushing through my veins!

I momentarily wish that in my peripheral view his face I can gaze.

Where is he now? It's been ten minutes since he vanished from my sight.

 Oh, so, he probably went inside his office and yes, I failed to check more of him. I'm such a weakling. It's time for me to leave.

It's been ten days since the last time I saw the guy in blue polo. Yup! I counted the days yeah, I just did! Wait! Why am i at this restaurant again? Well of course to dine what else? I always dine here what the fuss self? Waiting for my turn to order can feel like forever huh?  Why is this making me anxiously uncomfortable? I am not expecting to see him I know I will not see him but, WHAT THE ACTUAL FCK?! Shit self calm down. Why is he standing in front of me? What is happening? I can't look straight at his eyes okay now this is making me feel more awkward, Gosh is he asking for my order? His voice I heard again, he is asking for my order, so gentle and charming... Of course he'll do that Jamie! That's his job! But his presence, oh my it is doing something to me, so weird so unfathomably.

There are days I see him, and months pass I randomly peek at him whenever I'm nearby their area.  Everytime our eyes are about to meet, I quickly turn away. Good thing I always wear my cap on to hide my stealing stares. But because of my limits, I can only see his blue polo with his sleeves folded that reveals his tone arms. Ugh Jamie!

I was lucky to have a peek on his lips. Kissable cherry colored one lady might not be able to resist. Snapped! Cut it out! Stop biting your lip Jamie! Saying to myself. I can feel my blood rushing up to my cheeks again. Shucks, I've never been this so shamed of myself!

I giggle every night whenever he pops into my head.  I look so silly smiling alone, staring up the ceiling covering my face out of giddiness. Why am i so fond of this stranger?  Should I say hi next time? Or should I wait for him to say hello? Wait, does he even notice me? Does he even know I exist? By the way, that accidental touch when he gave me the bottle of glass I ordered? Heaven... I froze and felt so dumb.

I went to town with my brother and a friend. Here and there I imagine holding the hand of that guy, those tender palms and long fingers can give my chilling hand such warmth and comfort. EEEEhhhhh Jamie you're acting like a kid! "Sis!, Let's go you're in Jupiter again"  god man if I am in Jupiter with that guy I will never want to go back on earth. What a crazy thought Jamie ha ha ha wait, who is that? I see someone's back so familiar holding someone elses hand.  It... is... him! The guy in the blue polo, the manager, the one who will not let my mind be at peace, he seems to hold his girl.

Why does my chest, squeezing like an orange like this? It's like every juice was squirted and left it dry. It's obvious, that is his girl alright so stop your fantasies now Jamie, just stop.

Days past again and I found myself about to take orders in this restaurant. Am I a masochist? I'm not okay?! That was just a simple crush so let it go, never been a big matter.

I'm about to buy my child a snack. When i was about to leave I saw the guy in a snap! He's walking towards my direction. I am feeling this awkwardness again. There's these butterflies in my tummy whenever he's getting near me. Why do I feel a strange tension between us?

It felt like a movie, it looked like a poem. With all the tables and chairs hindering between us to be closer, we end up nodding in smiles at each other.

My heart aches for a bit I don't know, but that felt weird. It was the first time I have seen his angelic face. But what is that connection? I felt like I knew him from before.

As I got out of the place, I smiled looking at the sky. It was then I realized it's just a fantasy. A mere crush that cannot go anywhere. It was over.

Went home with my brother after fetching my daughter. She would always greet me and say "I love you mommy" and my brother would mock "too much sugar for you two". I paused and looked at her and smiled "that's my love life bro" I responded "and she's all mine".

The guy in blue polo, my oh my you are such a beautiful man. You will never know how you've lightened up my lonely heart for days. But this is it! Even perfect days can end in rain. Being lonely doesn't and shouldn't mean I have to be with someone in an instant! Relationship is not a cup of noodles! Being lonely is a challenge to acknowledge and appreciate what I already have.

But here is my secret, if he is not taken? And he asked me out? I will definitely say yes and possibly make out. Shhhhhhhhhhhh