Just A Job (Lauren/You)

Chapter 31

"Y/N, I'm—"

"Don't. Just—don't."

I didn't know how long I've been on my knees, crying my eyes out incessantly. It seemed like days, maybe years. But it also felt like seconds since I fell to my knees. And now she was gone. She was the only thing that mattered and now—

"This is my fault," she said in a soft voice. It would be easy to pin it all on her. I could blame her for everything that happened in my life. I only had to say 'yes' and it'll all be out of my hands. But I knew better.

Or rather, I knew the truth.

"It's not your fault. It's not your fault I'm an idiot. I was the one that lied to her and broke her heart. I should've told her but I was too scared that she'd leave me. And now—now she's gone. I've lost everything."

I placed my hands on the ground and lifted myself up. My knees wobbled at the action but I managed to get my balance and remain upright. The tears that fell on my cheeks were all dried up as I wiped my face with the sleeve of my shirt. The sadness and despair was gone now. It was replaced by a hollowness I couldn't explain. It was like there's a big, gaping hole in my chest I could put my hand through. My eyelids felt heavy and I could feel my body ache just from the strain of standing up.

I turned back towards my car and passed Ariana on the way. But I felt my steps slow down to a halt.

"If you really love me," I told Ariana without looking back, "you'll let me go. Because if there's anything I learned from losing Lauren today, it's that she'll always be the only one I want to be with. Our chance has long gone, Ariana. And we can't ever bring it back. I do love you, but, Lauren is the only girl I want to spend forever with. And If I can't—if I can't have her beside me—I'd rather spend the rest of my life alone."

Silence filled the empty space between us. However, it wasn't an awkward silence but a silence born out of blind anticipations and useless expectations. And it was Ariana who made the first move to break it.

"Goodbye, Y/N." I heard the crack in her voice and the hitch in her breath when her words reached my ears. It wasn't going to fix anything between Lauren and I but I couldn't help but feel my heart sigh at the realization that I finally had closure with my past.

And at least, that was a start.

"Goodbye, Ariana."

-//-//-//-//-//-

Ring. Voicemail. Ring. Voicemail.

It was the seventh time in the last hour that I'm being directed to voicemail after exactly one ring. I don't know how many times I've called Lauren since last night but not once has she answered any of it. It was four in the afternoon but I couldn't muster the strength to get up from my bed. The drive home from the alcove was a blur. I couldn't remember how I got home, much less without being in an accident.

Sleep escaped me and whenever I tried to close my eyes, the nightmare of Lauren's tears haunted my dreams and made sleeping unbearable. My physical exhaustion mirrored the severity of my heart break. I heard my mom call for me all morning but I just pulled the covers over my head and tried calling Lauren again. Soon enough, her voice didn't reach my ears anymore and I knew she finally gave up.

My father avoided me the whole time I was home—and a good thing too because I could just imagine the contempt on his face when he finds out about what happened. It was two years ago all over again but this time, it was me that fucked things up. Lauren was the perfect girl and I took that for granted and broke her heart. My eyes were red from crying too much but that didn't stop new tears from pricking the corner of my eyes.