Ever since a few years ago... I haven't felt reality the same way..
I mean it just hit me....
I was walking to gym class outside the building in the 6th grade and suddenly
I lost control of my self... it felt like something hit or went through my stomach
Now I'm not making things up.. it felt that way and I almost collapsed into the side of the building, looking in third person for a small flash when I close my eyes, but my reflexes caught me.. when I snapped back, I felt odd..... everything felt like a dream state, I had trouble walking for a few seconds... but after that I was fine.. but still... everything felt like a movie.... I felt disconnected from myself, or rather the world...
Everything felt like... a virtual reality... it's hard to describe.. it just felt like a dream, where your in control.. but you don't feel all the way here.
And another thing... is my memory has also been odd since then... I can't remember things if I have been away from it for a month.
I can only remember certain things...
You know.. in a way... I feel like I'm in a soulless world when I'm all by myself
But oddly, I've been calm ever since then.. much calmer... too calm
And when I get extremely upset, sad, or lonely... my emotions also..
Disconnect
Which is why, you see me over react when I feel alone..
I will tell you when my emotions are gone, I call it when I have snapped
It's kinda cruel...
But I won't give a crap about you or anyone.. or even myself when I loose my emotions, the only thing that will stay is the emotion I snapped with
Infact, when this happens, I call it my yandere side, when in reality, this is actually a serious issue with myself.
The only time I feel reality is under serious stress
But it's only a little.. very little...
This lead me to question reality a lot... but also for me to feel like a shell, with a chained up personality on the inside ready to burst
However....
No matter what...
Nothing
Feels
Real
But maybe everything was never real in the first place.. what if we are all dreaming..
What if this is just a world I made up in my dream... even if you say your real..
How will I ever really know?
